Be Your Bold Self

BE YOUR BOLD SELF

That is my mantra these days. Within every person there are "multiple" personalities. That's not to say that we are all Sybils waiting to be taken to a mental institution. It simply means that we are constantly having an inner dialogue with ourselves in every little thing we do.

I'm usually a more reserved person. Not necessarily shy, just someone who's content to sit back and watch things unfold before her. Often, when I am in an uncomfortable situation, this is the dialogue that goes on in my brain:

They are going to laugh at you if you say anything.
No, they won't, they'll love me.
I bet your face is going to turn red.
Be quiet or you'll jinx it!
Why don't you just don't and say you did.
If you just get it over with, you'll be happier!
You're not pretty enough to go in there.
You're just as pretty as they are. Go in!
Remember what a nerd you are.
You're not the nerd you used to be.

Etc.

Getting ready to compete in the pageant has given me many opportunities to step out of my comfort zone (not something I enjoy doing on a regular basis) and I've had to stuff my insecure, whiney self into the corner each time. My bold self is the one who has confidence (or at least, fakes it really well) and has the ability to talk to anyone. My bold self is a Size 4 (I wish the rest of me was!), and she doesn't care what people think of her. My bold self knows she can accomplish anything and won't let anyone stand in her way.

I love my bold self, but unfortunately, my insecure self usually wins over and that's who I am most of the time. I'm hoping that through this pageant experience, and all the practice I've been getting of changing my comfort zone, will give my bold self a better foot hold in my psyche.

Be Your Bold Self!

My feet hurt, my wallet doesn't

Why is it that when I'm shopping for a specific item of clothing, I never find it?? And, why is it that when I'm merely window shopping, and have no money, I'm constantly finding things I wish I could buy? Somebody needs to get a hold of Murphy and tell him to add this to his stupid Laws.

All I wanted was a red blouse, with a nice levi jacket to wear over the top. You think I could find anything? Everyone has put out their spring collection, which consists of pastels and short sleeves. Nothing red! And, every denim jacket I found was the distressed, yellowing material that all the teens are into these days. Ick. Why can't they wear nice, clean-looking clothes?

Sigh.

And, don't even get me started on shoe shopping. I wanted a nice pair of classic black pumps with a 3" heel (sexy, eh?). But, again, all the spring stuff is out and there were sandals galore, and lots of strappy little things, but not my style.

Double sigh.

So, four stores later, I come home with one tiny parcel. My feet are killing me! I didn't get the clothes I wanted, but I did find a great purse. I've needed a new purse for ages, but never found the "right" one. But, at least my trip wasn't totally worthless. I got a new purse! Of course -- because I wasn't shopping for one, right??

At the Grooners

My five year old daughter returned home early from playing at a friend's house. I asked her why she didn't stay longer. She replied, "Because they had to pick up their dog from the grooners." Okaaaaaaaayyyy.

She went on to explain to me that a grooners is the place you take your dog, or your cat, or any pet to get brushed. But, not fish, because fish have scales on their body and that would hurt if you brushed them.

I'm amazed at the things that go through her mind sometimes!!

The Walls Have Ears

Have you ever been in a situation where you are "discussing" with a friend another person, only to turn around and see that other person nearby -- possibly within earshot?

That happened to me on Sunday. I was sitting in Relief Society next to one of my neighbors and we were discussing visiting teaching. I had recently discovered that this neighbor had become my new visiting teacher, but she hasn't had a chance to visit yet. Her companion has been my visiting teacher for over a year and rarely visits. My neighbor, "T" and I got to talking about "R" and the conversation turned to "R's daughter," who is 11. "R" is very successful in her career and her husband also has a great job so they are not want for much -- they are always traveling to this place and that place, wearing designer clothes, remodeling their home, etc. As a result, "R's daughter" tends to be a bit snobby. That's what "T" and I were discussing, and the fact that "R's daughter" has her own cell phone. I didn't think we were very loud, but when I turned around to check the clock I saw "R" sitting in the back, about 4 rows behind us.

Suddenly, it seemed that "T" and I had been shouting our conversation because I got that sinking feeling and I felt 2 inches tall. I like "R." She is a neat lady -- she's just not very consistent in her promises to visit me, and I don't agree with her avenues of parenting. I feel bad for talking about her like that.

"T" does not like "R" and is not happy to be companions with her. I like them both, but maybe not as a companionship. The dilemma now is whether I do anything to apologize to "R." It's possible that she heard us. There is also the possibility that she didn't.

I should learn my lesson and remember the counsel of my parents: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Sigh.

My Personality

I took a personality test online today. The questions were odd, a bit repetitive, and kinda got me to thinking about how I view myself. When I got to the end and hit the "results" button, I didn't expect to be looking into a mirror.

Surprisingly, the results were pretty accurate to how I am.

Go figure.





My Personal Dna Report