Cycle of Life

My great grandmother died this morning. She lived to be 88 years old. We've been saying for the last several years that Grandma probably wouldn't hang on much longer, and each Christmas we said would probably be her last. She sure showed us!

We all knew that her time was very short -- especially after falling and breaking her hip last Wednesday. In her old age, she has suffered from congestive heart failure, several infections, and dimentia, not to mention the fact that she refused to give up smoking, but she decided that it was her time to go, so she went.

My mom told me she went and visited Grandma in the hospital on Saturday evening. During the visit, Grandma reached her hand up and held it in the air for a moment. My mom asked her what she was doing and Grandma responded, "I'm waiting for that man over there..." Grandma was lucid at the time, but perhaps not all on this plane.

I'm sure she's happy now, and a lot more comfortable than she's been for a long while. Unfortunately, she did not have the fullness of the Gospel in her life like she should have. I really don't know what sorts of choices she made as a young woman, but I know that the Gospel was a part of her life at one time. I regret that I never asked her more about her life, and that I wasn't as close to her as I could have been.

I'm grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel and for my membership in the Church. I have a relationship with my Father in Heaven and I rejoice in having Christ as my personal Savior. I hope that when it's my time to cross the veil that I have multitudes waiting to welcome me into Paradise. Perhaps one day I'll have the chance to talk to Grandma again, and maybe say the things I should have said here on earth. Who knows, maybe I'll even have a chance to help teach her there. I pray I will.

Love you, Grandma!

Get Back in the Saddle

Last night my husband and I were just settling down to watch Survivor together when our front door opened and our youngest daughter was screaming for Mommy. We jumped up and ran upstairs at break-neck speed to see what was wrong. There in the entry way stood our 5-year-old daughter, cyring hysterically, blood dripping down her face, clothes splotched with blood and her hands coated trying to hold it all in. Seeing her like that made my heart sank to the floor.

My husband scooped her up and we ran upstairs to our bathroom where we tried to assess the situation. We checked her mouth first to make sure she hadn't knocked her teeth out, and then we checked to make sure she hadn't broken anything. All the while, she's still sobbing uncontrollably. At one point she looks up and asks, "Am I going to die?" Another heart-dropping moment for this mom! What must have been going through her young mind to ask such a question!! Poor thing. She said she had fallen off her bike so, while I cleaned her up, her daddy went out to get it and put it away. By the time I had her hair washed and she was all clean, she had calmed down a bit. I gave her some aspirin and got her out of the tub.

Standing there in the bathroom as I toweled her off, we began to giggle at her appearance. She had a goose-egg on her forehead, scrapes on her nose and a fat lip. We giggled even more when she saw her lopsided smile in the mirror. She was going to be okay.

Today, she was going to go play at a friend's house. Normally, she would ride her bike over, but today she said she was just going to walk. I told her she should just ride her bike over, it was faster. But, she gave me several excuses why she didn't want to ride her bike today, but what it all boiled down to was this: She was afraid.

I saw some of myself in her in that moment. How many times have I let something that scared me keep me from doing things I loved? How often had something that made me uncomfortable or insecure kept me from experiencing something joyful? How many times had I deprived myself of joy because of fear??

I reminded her how excited she was when she first learned to ride her two-wheeler bike. I told her how good she was at it and how proud I was that she could ride like a big-girl. I walked outside with her and pulled out her bike and urged her to get on. She did, albeit a bit reluctantly, but she did. I watched her ride down the driveway and I couldn't help but smile. She was doing it! She wasn't going as fast as she normally does, and she slowed way down when she came to a curb, but she was riding her bike again! And, she was smiling.

I can learn so much from her.

6 Wierd Things About Myself

I have been tagged... Joy for me! Thanks to Lisa for making me think of all the truly wierd attributes I possess....

6 Wierd Things About Myself

1. I can't get to sleep at night unless (and until) I floss my teeth. It hasn't always been this way, but for the past 18 months or so, it is a nightly ritual. If I forget, or am away from home where I don't have my floss with me, I'll toss and turn and dream about flossing. Oh, and it has to be mint waxed floss...
2. I can read, watch TV and listen to the radio at the same time, and not miss anything. I can even sing along with the music as I read, and still not miss what I'm reading. My husband thinks I'm a freak because of it, but I tell him it's just because I'm a woman.
3. I'm a walking phone book. I have a knack for remembering phone numbers, even if I've never actually called that number. Tell me the number, and I'll be able to repeat it back a week later.
4. I have an "expiration date phobia," especially when it comes to dairy products. I CANNOT consume anything that is near its due date. Even if it still smells okay, or has been proven to last longer than the date that is printed on the package, I cannot bring myself to eat/drink it.
5. I won't use public restrooms (another phobia). It will take an absolute emergency to get me inside one, let alone actually use it. There's just something about using the bathroom a few feet away from someone else who is going. Besides, how many other tushies have been on this very toilet today? eeeeewwwwwww. I'll walk in with my kids when they have to go, but I'll wash my hands along with them, just from opening the door. The whole concept of public bathrooms totally grosses me out. I'll wait until I'm home, thankyouverymuch.
6. I put ketchup on practically everything. I used to use it a lot more as a child than I do now, but I still have to have ketchup on the table for almost every meal. Any beef, any egg, any potato, any pork -- all doused in ketchup (or, catsup, if you prefer). The only thing I never put ketchup on is chicken, but anything else is game. When I was a little girl, I would ask for ketchup on my tuna fish sandwiches. I have grown out of that stage, but I like to put ketchup on my Kraft Macaroni-N-Cheese. How wierd is that??

So, those are 6 of my weird idiosyncracies. Thanks for tagging me, Lisa. :o)

Overwhelmed!

This post is going to be whiney, so if you don't feel like hearing someone whine about everything, then just skip this blog altogether.

You've been warned.

I have way too much going on in my life right now and I'm really feeling it -- it's getting to the point where I want to jump in the car and just drive and drive and drive to run away from it all... but then I remember how sickening gas prices are, and I have to face my issues.

First of all, I have a part time job. I work mostly from home doing dictation, general typing, brochures, etc., but 2 or 3 times a month I actually go into the office and catch up on things there. I say part time because it was supposed to be a commitment of only about 10 hours a week... HOWEVER, lately I have been getting calls EVERY day from my employer asking me to do things. What takes him 15 seconds to explain will wind up taking me all day, and sitting here at the computer (while I'm home) does not allow for me to do much else. So, I work. And, my house stays a mess, the laundry piles up, nothing gets made for dinner (so we pick up fast food), the kids run amok, I lose ME time. I'd tell my boss to take this job and put it somewhere else, but the extra money really comes in handy around here.

Second of all, my husband just started his own business in January of this year. He works construction and has very limited computer skills. The administration part of the business is left up to me. He picked up a copy of Quick Books and I about died when I saw how thick the manual was for it! I installed the software and ran a few tutorials and realized that it's going to take some serious studying to get familiar with the program. It will require my butt to be sitting in this chair, in front of this computer, for longer hours, in addition to the hours I already put in for my other boss. At least with my other boss I get paid. I'm too tired at the end of the day to receive any fringe benefits from my husband/boss.

Next on my whine list is my calling at church. I'm the Enrichment Leader, and have been for over 3 years. I'm burned out. And, I'm confused as to how to run the program with the new guidelines that went into effect earlier this year. It's supposed to be easier on leaders with only having 4 activities a year -- but with those activities, the mini-classes, and "extra" mid-week activities, I'm busier than ever. The RS counselor over Enrichment has been out of town a lot this year, leaving me on my own to plan and coordinate these activities and I'm frustrated. I have a Board, but they wait for me to tell them what to do before doing anything. I don't like having the entire responsibility. It's taking it's toll on me. I'd ask to be released, but I fear they'll stick me back in Primary or in Young Women, which I think would be worse than the headache I have now.

(didn't I warn you this was going to be a whine fest?)

Next, the pageant is just over 3 weeks away. The butterflies I had in the beginning are now jitters and I'm very nervous. I still need to tie up loose ends, get a few last-minute things and focus on my health and fitness program (which isn't going so well since we eat out so much lately). I'm second-guessing myself at every turn and worry that I've gotten in over my head. I have these nightmares where I come in last place and my family and friends are disappointed in me and want their sponsor money back. Maybe I shouldn't have entered the competition after all.....

I'm a bit concerned for my health as well. I haven't been to a doctor since my 6-week check up after my last baby (who will be turning 6 this Summer). When you live without insurance, you live without proper healthcare. I have been spotting for 4 weeks now, which is probably not normal. I could make an appointment with my doctor, but with my luck, the bill would come to a couple hundred dollars and he would tell me there's nothing wrong, and I should just buy more panty liners. On the other hand, if there is something wrong, and I don't take care of myself, the consequences could be much worse.

Did I mention my house is a wreck?

I guess I've sat and whined here long enough... I need to go and work on my boss' website. I've never created a website from scratch before and the process is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be -- especially when I work for such a picky man.

If you've made it to the end of this whine-fest, then pat yourself on the back. You survived.

Will I?

Bakin'

I started tanning yesterday. It has been a long time since I have gone, and the first time was just under 3 years ago. I'd never seen the reason for it, since I tan so easily during the summer months playing in the backyard with my kids and gardening. However, I will say that I loved the results just a few short sessions in a tanning bed gave my skin (not to mention, no tan lines).

So, in preparation for the pageant, I decided a few sessions a week for a month should give me the nice golden color to accent the pale blue gown I will be wearing. Not to mention, tan skin hides cellulite better than white skin.

I forgot how relaxing tanning is. I loved laying in the warm bed and feeling the fake sun rays warm me all the way through. I just relaxed and listended to the radio for the 10 minutes I was there. I think I'll go back again today, before we get in the full swing of Easter preparations. I could use the few minutes of relaxation to regroup and re-energize.

Oh, and before you hit the "Comment" button... I know the cancer risks, so please don't stone me for my choices.

Happy Easter!!

Happy HNT

I don't know this guy, and quite frankly, I'm rather glad not to. What was he thinking??

Ultimatum

It is a gorgeous Spring day today, and where are my youngest two children? In their room, throwing fits.

Why would they be in their room on such a beautiful, warm day?

Because they were given an ultimatum, and that was their choice.

I am so tired of going into their room and stepping on toys, or doing their laundry and only having a single sock to give them because all the rest of their dirty clothes are piled in the closet or under the bed or (heaven forbid) back in their drawers. I've had enough. I told them their room has to be cleaned up before they would see the light of day again (and now that they are off for Spring Break, that's gonna be rough!).

And, then I gave them a choice:

"Go ahead and play outside, girls... and while you're out, I'll clean your room for you."

That may sound like a sweet deal, except for the fact that I clean with a Hefty bag.

They opted to do the room themselves. And, there they sit.

Lucky them.

Can't Please the Difficult

I am so incredibly frustrated! I'm jonesin' for a Coke and a day off, let me tell you!

I work from home -- technically as a freelance do-it-all. I type, I do dictation, I format data bases, prepare presentations and I dabble in graphic design. Just recently I've started getting into web design (necessity is the mother of invention, right?). The company I work for figures they can pay a novice a LOT less than a professional...

Well, I poured my heart into their website. I had to struggle through the program since I don't know it well, but I thought I was coming along just fine. I was actually rather proud of the work I had accomplished.

I emailed the link to the site to the Executive Director and awaited my well-deserved pat on the back.

What did I get?

"It's really not what I'm looking for. I don't care much for the layout."

Crush. Stomp. Ouch.

So, I tore it down and started over.

Why is it that you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time?? Grrrr.

Oh Joy

I have the distinct pleasure of going to the dentist this morning. Can you feel my enthusiasm?

Why is it that the mere mention of dentist makes most normal human blood run cold? Is it the fact that some stranger is sticking their fingers in your mouth? Is it the sound of the drills (wwwwwrrrrrrreeeeeeeeoooooooooooo)? Is it having someone right up close and personal with the bright florescent light enhancing every flaw you have in your skin? What about those shots? Gotta love those, right??

I can think of a billion things I'd rather be doing this morning than sitting in the dentist's chair. Blech.