Overwhelmed!

This post is going to be whiney, so if you don't feel like hearing someone whine about everything, then just skip this blog altogether.

You've been warned.

I have way too much going on in my life right now and I'm really feeling it -- it's getting to the point where I want to jump in the car and just drive and drive and drive to run away from it all... but then I remember how sickening gas prices are, and I have to face my issues.

First of all, I have a part time job. I work mostly from home doing dictation, general typing, brochures, etc., but 2 or 3 times a month I actually go into the office and catch up on things there. I say part time because it was supposed to be a commitment of only about 10 hours a week... HOWEVER, lately I have been getting calls EVERY day from my employer asking me to do things. What takes him 15 seconds to explain will wind up taking me all day, and sitting here at the computer (while I'm home) does not allow for me to do much else. So, I work. And, my house stays a mess, the laundry piles up, nothing gets made for dinner (so we pick up fast food), the kids run amok, I lose ME time. I'd tell my boss to take this job and put it somewhere else, but the extra money really comes in handy around here.

Second of all, my husband just started his own business in January of this year. He works construction and has very limited computer skills. The administration part of the business is left up to me. He picked up a copy of Quick Books and I about died when I saw how thick the manual was for it! I installed the software and ran a few tutorials and realized that it's going to take some serious studying to get familiar with the program. It will require my butt to be sitting in this chair, in front of this computer, for longer hours, in addition to the hours I already put in for my other boss. At least with my other boss I get paid. I'm too tired at the end of the day to receive any fringe benefits from my husband/boss.

Next on my whine list is my calling at church. I'm the Enrichment Leader, and have been for over 3 years. I'm burned out. And, I'm confused as to how to run the program with the new guidelines that went into effect earlier this year. It's supposed to be easier on leaders with only having 4 activities a year -- but with those activities, the mini-classes, and "extra" mid-week activities, I'm busier than ever. The RS counselor over Enrichment has been out of town a lot this year, leaving me on my own to plan and coordinate these activities and I'm frustrated. I have a Board, but they wait for me to tell them what to do before doing anything. I don't like having the entire responsibility. It's taking it's toll on me. I'd ask to be released, but I fear they'll stick me back in Primary or in Young Women, which I think would be worse than the headache I have now.

(didn't I warn you this was going to be a whine fest?)

Next, the pageant is just over 3 weeks away. The butterflies I had in the beginning are now jitters and I'm very nervous. I still need to tie up loose ends, get a few last-minute things and focus on my health and fitness program (which isn't going so well since we eat out so much lately). I'm second-guessing myself at every turn and worry that I've gotten in over my head. I have these nightmares where I come in last place and my family and friends are disappointed in me and want their sponsor money back. Maybe I shouldn't have entered the competition after all.....

I'm a bit concerned for my health as well. I haven't been to a doctor since my 6-week check up after my last baby (who will be turning 6 this Summer). When you live without insurance, you live without proper healthcare. I have been spotting for 4 weeks now, which is probably not normal. I could make an appointment with my doctor, but with my luck, the bill would come to a couple hundred dollars and he would tell me there's nothing wrong, and I should just buy more panty liners. On the other hand, if there is something wrong, and I don't take care of myself, the consequences could be much worse.

Did I mention my house is a wreck?

I guess I've sat and whined here long enough... I need to go and work on my boss' website. I've never created a website from scratch before and the process is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be -- especially when I work for such a picky man.

If you've made it to the end of this whine-fest, then pat yourself on the back. You survived.

Will I?