Back to Regularly Scheduled Life

The Pageant is officially over. What an experience it was!

It began on Friday with the interview portion and I met with the 5 interviewers and got my 5 minutes in the hot seat. I left feeling a bit overwhelmed and unsure if I gave them what they wanted. It was harder than interviewing for a job... Bob Lonsberry was one of the judges, but I didn't shmooze up to him, though my husband is a big fan. He threw out the toughest questions to me and I felt that I answered him well...

Saturday was full of rehearsals and the culminating event: The Pageant. I was contestant #25 of 29, which put me near the end. I liked that I was towards the end so that I could watch the others that went before me and hopefully emulate their good points. We had the opening number (thankfully there were no complicated dance moves) and we introduced ourselves and our platforms to the judges and the audience. It was almost my turn and I was standing on my mark on stage waiting for the girl in front of me to finish her intros when her microphone went out. I was standing there wondering if I should walk up and hand her the microphone I was holding. But, when I tapped it, my mic wasn't working either, so I continued to stand there and watched her finish in her loudest voice. When I approached center stage and spoke into my mic, it worked and I did my thing. I feel bad that I didn't help her out in a moment that was undoubtedly tense for her. I wonder if I'd offered her help if the judges would have scored me more favorably.

The next portion was the swimsuit. Man, is that ever an intimidating thing to do!! I walked across the stage in my turquoise one-piece and felt every eye on me. Blech! I was so glad to get off stage after that.

Next came evening gown. I had my husband on stage with me as my escort and having him there made me feel less self-conscious. He looked so good in his tux!! Husband voice-overs were playing as each girl did her walk in front of the judges and my husband's tribute to me was well worth it all! I can't wait to get my DVD so I can listen to it again and again. I felt like a real princess.

The judges had a very difficult decision to make in narrowing it down from 29 to just 10. All of the ladies were gorgeous and polished and wonderful. There we were, all standing on stage, trying to keep smiling as the numbers were called off and the Top Ten emerged. Unfortunately, #25 was not called and I walked off the stage with the other 19 girls. At that point, I was ready to go home and put my feet up. It was all over for me, there was nothing left but awards. But, I came back on stage after the Top Ten answered their on-stage question, with a smile on my face and my aching feet throbbing in my shoes...

So, not only did I not win, I didn't even place. But you know what? While I'm disappointed in the outcome, I'm not disappointed in myself. I gave them my very best of me and I can't feel bad about that.

I've been asked if I'd consider competing again. My answer to that is "Maybe." If I do, I will choose a different pageant to be part of, Mrs. United States isn't for me.

So, now it's back to reality... sigh.

P.S. I'd post a picture or two, but unfortunately, we handed our camera off to a friend in the front row, and they apparently don't know how to use a digital camera. Not a single picture came out clear. Dangit.

Cycle of Life

My great grandmother died this morning. She lived to be 88 years old. We've been saying for the last several years that Grandma probably wouldn't hang on much longer, and each Christmas we said would probably be her last. She sure showed us!

We all knew that her time was very short -- especially after falling and breaking her hip last Wednesday. In her old age, she has suffered from congestive heart failure, several infections, and dimentia, not to mention the fact that she refused to give up smoking, but she decided that it was her time to go, so she went.

My mom told me she went and visited Grandma in the hospital on Saturday evening. During the visit, Grandma reached her hand up and held it in the air for a moment. My mom asked her what she was doing and Grandma responded, "I'm waiting for that man over there..." Grandma was lucid at the time, but perhaps not all on this plane.

I'm sure she's happy now, and a lot more comfortable than she's been for a long while. Unfortunately, she did not have the fullness of the Gospel in her life like she should have. I really don't know what sorts of choices she made as a young woman, but I know that the Gospel was a part of her life at one time. I regret that I never asked her more about her life, and that I wasn't as close to her as I could have been.

I'm grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel and for my membership in the Church. I have a relationship with my Father in Heaven and I rejoice in having Christ as my personal Savior. I hope that when it's my time to cross the veil that I have multitudes waiting to welcome me into Paradise. Perhaps one day I'll have the chance to talk to Grandma again, and maybe say the things I should have said here on earth. Who knows, maybe I'll even have a chance to help teach her there. I pray I will.

Love you, Grandma!

Get Back in the Saddle

Last night my husband and I were just settling down to watch Survivor together when our front door opened and our youngest daughter was screaming for Mommy. We jumped up and ran upstairs at break-neck speed to see what was wrong. There in the entry way stood our 5-year-old daughter, cyring hysterically, blood dripping down her face, clothes splotched with blood and her hands coated trying to hold it all in. Seeing her like that made my heart sank to the floor.

My husband scooped her up and we ran upstairs to our bathroom where we tried to assess the situation. We checked her mouth first to make sure she hadn't knocked her teeth out, and then we checked to make sure she hadn't broken anything. All the while, she's still sobbing uncontrollably. At one point she looks up and asks, "Am I going to die?" Another heart-dropping moment for this mom! What must have been going through her young mind to ask such a question!! Poor thing. She said she had fallen off her bike so, while I cleaned her up, her daddy went out to get it and put it away. By the time I had her hair washed and she was all clean, she had calmed down a bit. I gave her some aspirin and got her out of the tub.

Standing there in the bathroom as I toweled her off, we began to giggle at her appearance. She had a goose-egg on her forehead, scrapes on her nose and a fat lip. We giggled even more when she saw her lopsided smile in the mirror. She was going to be okay.

Today, she was going to go play at a friend's house. Normally, she would ride her bike over, but today she said she was just going to walk. I told her she should just ride her bike over, it was faster. But, she gave me several excuses why she didn't want to ride her bike today, but what it all boiled down to was this: She was afraid.

I saw some of myself in her in that moment. How many times have I let something that scared me keep me from doing things I loved? How often had something that made me uncomfortable or insecure kept me from experiencing something joyful? How many times had I deprived myself of joy because of fear??

I reminded her how excited she was when she first learned to ride her two-wheeler bike. I told her how good she was at it and how proud I was that she could ride like a big-girl. I walked outside with her and pulled out her bike and urged her to get on. She did, albeit a bit reluctantly, but she did. I watched her ride down the driveway and I couldn't help but smile. She was doing it! She wasn't going as fast as she normally does, and she slowed way down when she came to a curb, but she was riding her bike again! And, she was smiling.

I can learn so much from her.

6 Wierd Things About Myself

I have been tagged... Joy for me! Thanks to Lisa for making me think of all the truly wierd attributes I possess....

6 Wierd Things About Myself

1. I can't get to sleep at night unless (and until) I floss my teeth. It hasn't always been this way, but for the past 18 months or so, it is a nightly ritual. If I forget, or am away from home where I don't have my floss with me, I'll toss and turn and dream about flossing. Oh, and it has to be mint waxed floss...
2. I can read, watch TV and listen to the radio at the same time, and not miss anything. I can even sing along with the music as I read, and still not miss what I'm reading. My husband thinks I'm a freak because of it, but I tell him it's just because I'm a woman.
3. I'm a walking phone book. I have a knack for remembering phone numbers, even if I've never actually called that number. Tell me the number, and I'll be able to repeat it back a week later.
4. I have an "expiration date phobia," especially when it comes to dairy products. I CANNOT consume anything that is near its due date. Even if it still smells okay, or has been proven to last longer than the date that is printed on the package, I cannot bring myself to eat/drink it.
5. I won't use public restrooms (another phobia). It will take an absolute emergency to get me inside one, let alone actually use it. There's just something about using the bathroom a few feet away from someone else who is going. Besides, how many other tushies have been on this very toilet today? eeeeewwwwwww. I'll walk in with my kids when they have to go, but I'll wash my hands along with them, just from opening the door. The whole concept of public bathrooms totally grosses me out. I'll wait until I'm home, thankyouverymuch.
6. I put ketchup on practically everything. I used to use it a lot more as a child than I do now, but I still have to have ketchup on the table for almost every meal. Any beef, any egg, any potato, any pork -- all doused in ketchup (or, catsup, if you prefer). The only thing I never put ketchup on is chicken, but anything else is game. When I was a little girl, I would ask for ketchup on my tuna fish sandwiches. I have grown out of that stage, but I like to put ketchup on my Kraft Macaroni-N-Cheese. How wierd is that??

So, those are 6 of my weird idiosyncracies. Thanks for tagging me, Lisa. :o)

Overwhelmed!

This post is going to be whiney, so if you don't feel like hearing someone whine about everything, then just skip this blog altogether.

You've been warned.

I have way too much going on in my life right now and I'm really feeling it -- it's getting to the point where I want to jump in the car and just drive and drive and drive to run away from it all... but then I remember how sickening gas prices are, and I have to face my issues.

First of all, I have a part time job. I work mostly from home doing dictation, general typing, brochures, etc., but 2 or 3 times a month I actually go into the office and catch up on things there. I say part time because it was supposed to be a commitment of only about 10 hours a week... HOWEVER, lately I have been getting calls EVERY day from my employer asking me to do things. What takes him 15 seconds to explain will wind up taking me all day, and sitting here at the computer (while I'm home) does not allow for me to do much else. So, I work. And, my house stays a mess, the laundry piles up, nothing gets made for dinner (so we pick up fast food), the kids run amok, I lose ME time. I'd tell my boss to take this job and put it somewhere else, but the extra money really comes in handy around here.

Second of all, my husband just started his own business in January of this year. He works construction and has very limited computer skills. The administration part of the business is left up to me. He picked up a copy of Quick Books and I about died when I saw how thick the manual was for it! I installed the software and ran a few tutorials and realized that it's going to take some serious studying to get familiar with the program. It will require my butt to be sitting in this chair, in front of this computer, for longer hours, in addition to the hours I already put in for my other boss. At least with my other boss I get paid. I'm too tired at the end of the day to receive any fringe benefits from my husband/boss.

Next on my whine list is my calling at church. I'm the Enrichment Leader, and have been for over 3 years. I'm burned out. And, I'm confused as to how to run the program with the new guidelines that went into effect earlier this year. It's supposed to be easier on leaders with only having 4 activities a year -- but with those activities, the mini-classes, and "extra" mid-week activities, I'm busier than ever. The RS counselor over Enrichment has been out of town a lot this year, leaving me on my own to plan and coordinate these activities and I'm frustrated. I have a Board, but they wait for me to tell them what to do before doing anything. I don't like having the entire responsibility. It's taking it's toll on me. I'd ask to be released, but I fear they'll stick me back in Primary or in Young Women, which I think would be worse than the headache I have now.

(didn't I warn you this was going to be a whine fest?)

Next, the pageant is just over 3 weeks away. The butterflies I had in the beginning are now jitters and I'm very nervous. I still need to tie up loose ends, get a few last-minute things and focus on my health and fitness program (which isn't going so well since we eat out so much lately). I'm second-guessing myself at every turn and worry that I've gotten in over my head. I have these nightmares where I come in last place and my family and friends are disappointed in me and want their sponsor money back. Maybe I shouldn't have entered the competition after all.....

I'm a bit concerned for my health as well. I haven't been to a doctor since my 6-week check up after my last baby (who will be turning 6 this Summer). When you live without insurance, you live without proper healthcare. I have been spotting for 4 weeks now, which is probably not normal. I could make an appointment with my doctor, but with my luck, the bill would come to a couple hundred dollars and he would tell me there's nothing wrong, and I should just buy more panty liners. On the other hand, if there is something wrong, and I don't take care of myself, the consequences could be much worse.

Did I mention my house is a wreck?

I guess I've sat and whined here long enough... I need to go and work on my boss' website. I've never created a website from scratch before and the process is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be -- especially when I work for such a picky man.

If you've made it to the end of this whine-fest, then pat yourself on the back. You survived.

Will I?

Bakin'

I started tanning yesterday. It has been a long time since I have gone, and the first time was just under 3 years ago. I'd never seen the reason for it, since I tan so easily during the summer months playing in the backyard with my kids and gardening. However, I will say that I loved the results just a few short sessions in a tanning bed gave my skin (not to mention, no tan lines).

So, in preparation for the pageant, I decided a few sessions a week for a month should give me the nice golden color to accent the pale blue gown I will be wearing. Not to mention, tan skin hides cellulite better than white skin.

I forgot how relaxing tanning is. I loved laying in the warm bed and feeling the fake sun rays warm me all the way through. I just relaxed and listended to the radio for the 10 minutes I was there. I think I'll go back again today, before we get in the full swing of Easter preparations. I could use the few minutes of relaxation to regroup and re-energize.

Oh, and before you hit the "Comment" button... I know the cancer risks, so please don't stone me for my choices.

Happy Easter!!

Happy HNT

I don't know this guy, and quite frankly, I'm rather glad not to. What was he thinking??

Ultimatum

It is a gorgeous Spring day today, and where are my youngest two children? In their room, throwing fits.

Why would they be in their room on such a beautiful, warm day?

Because they were given an ultimatum, and that was their choice.

I am so tired of going into their room and stepping on toys, or doing their laundry and only having a single sock to give them because all the rest of their dirty clothes are piled in the closet or under the bed or (heaven forbid) back in their drawers. I've had enough. I told them their room has to be cleaned up before they would see the light of day again (and now that they are off for Spring Break, that's gonna be rough!).

And, then I gave them a choice:

"Go ahead and play outside, girls... and while you're out, I'll clean your room for you."

That may sound like a sweet deal, except for the fact that I clean with a Hefty bag.

They opted to do the room themselves. And, there they sit.

Lucky them.

Can't Please the Difficult

I am so incredibly frustrated! I'm jonesin' for a Coke and a day off, let me tell you!

I work from home -- technically as a freelance do-it-all. I type, I do dictation, I format data bases, prepare presentations and I dabble in graphic design. Just recently I've started getting into web design (necessity is the mother of invention, right?). The company I work for figures they can pay a novice a LOT less than a professional...

Well, I poured my heart into their website. I had to struggle through the program since I don't know it well, but I thought I was coming along just fine. I was actually rather proud of the work I had accomplished.

I emailed the link to the site to the Executive Director and awaited my well-deserved pat on the back.

What did I get?

"It's really not what I'm looking for. I don't care much for the layout."

Crush. Stomp. Ouch.

So, I tore it down and started over.

Why is it that you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time?? Grrrr.

Oh Joy

I have the distinct pleasure of going to the dentist this morning. Can you feel my enthusiasm?

Why is it that the mere mention of dentist makes most normal human blood run cold? Is it the fact that some stranger is sticking their fingers in your mouth? Is it the sound of the drills (wwwwwrrrrrrreeeeeeeeoooooooooooo)? Is it having someone right up close and personal with the bright florescent light enhancing every flaw you have in your skin? What about those shots? Gotta love those, right??

I can think of a billion things I'd rather be doing this morning than sitting in the dentist's chair. Blech.

Be Your Bold Self

BE YOUR BOLD SELF

That is my mantra these days. Within every person there are "multiple" personalities. That's not to say that we are all Sybils waiting to be taken to a mental institution. It simply means that we are constantly having an inner dialogue with ourselves in every little thing we do.

I'm usually a more reserved person. Not necessarily shy, just someone who's content to sit back and watch things unfold before her. Often, when I am in an uncomfortable situation, this is the dialogue that goes on in my brain:

They are going to laugh at you if you say anything.
No, they won't, they'll love me.
I bet your face is going to turn red.
Be quiet or you'll jinx it!
Why don't you just don't and say you did.
If you just get it over with, you'll be happier!
You're not pretty enough to go in there.
You're just as pretty as they are. Go in!
Remember what a nerd you are.
You're not the nerd you used to be.

Etc.

Getting ready to compete in the pageant has given me many opportunities to step out of my comfort zone (not something I enjoy doing on a regular basis) and I've had to stuff my insecure, whiney self into the corner each time. My bold self is the one who has confidence (or at least, fakes it really well) and has the ability to talk to anyone. My bold self is a Size 4 (I wish the rest of me was!), and she doesn't care what people think of her. My bold self knows she can accomplish anything and won't let anyone stand in her way.

I love my bold self, but unfortunately, my insecure self usually wins over and that's who I am most of the time. I'm hoping that through this pageant experience, and all the practice I've been getting of changing my comfort zone, will give my bold self a better foot hold in my psyche.

Be Your Bold Self!

My feet hurt, my wallet doesn't

Why is it that when I'm shopping for a specific item of clothing, I never find it?? And, why is it that when I'm merely window shopping, and have no money, I'm constantly finding things I wish I could buy? Somebody needs to get a hold of Murphy and tell him to add this to his stupid Laws.

All I wanted was a red blouse, with a nice levi jacket to wear over the top. You think I could find anything? Everyone has put out their spring collection, which consists of pastels and short sleeves. Nothing red! And, every denim jacket I found was the distressed, yellowing material that all the teens are into these days. Ick. Why can't they wear nice, clean-looking clothes?

Sigh.

And, don't even get me started on shoe shopping. I wanted a nice pair of classic black pumps with a 3" heel (sexy, eh?). But, again, all the spring stuff is out and there were sandals galore, and lots of strappy little things, but not my style.

Double sigh.

So, four stores later, I come home with one tiny parcel. My feet are killing me! I didn't get the clothes I wanted, but I did find a great purse. I've needed a new purse for ages, but never found the "right" one. But, at least my trip wasn't totally worthless. I got a new purse! Of course -- because I wasn't shopping for one, right??

At the Grooners

My five year old daughter returned home early from playing at a friend's house. I asked her why she didn't stay longer. She replied, "Because they had to pick up their dog from the grooners." Okaaaaaaaayyyy.

She went on to explain to me that a grooners is the place you take your dog, or your cat, or any pet to get brushed. But, not fish, because fish have scales on their body and that would hurt if you brushed them.

I'm amazed at the things that go through her mind sometimes!!

The Walls Have Ears

Have you ever been in a situation where you are "discussing" with a friend another person, only to turn around and see that other person nearby -- possibly within earshot?

That happened to me on Sunday. I was sitting in Relief Society next to one of my neighbors and we were discussing visiting teaching. I had recently discovered that this neighbor had become my new visiting teacher, but she hasn't had a chance to visit yet. Her companion has been my visiting teacher for over a year and rarely visits. My neighbor, "T" and I got to talking about "R" and the conversation turned to "R's daughter," who is 11. "R" is very successful in her career and her husband also has a great job so they are not want for much -- they are always traveling to this place and that place, wearing designer clothes, remodeling their home, etc. As a result, "R's daughter" tends to be a bit snobby. That's what "T" and I were discussing, and the fact that "R's daughter" has her own cell phone. I didn't think we were very loud, but when I turned around to check the clock I saw "R" sitting in the back, about 4 rows behind us.

Suddenly, it seemed that "T" and I had been shouting our conversation because I got that sinking feeling and I felt 2 inches tall. I like "R." She is a neat lady -- she's just not very consistent in her promises to visit me, and I don't agree with her avenues of parenting. I feel bad for talking about her like that.

"T" does not like "R" and is not happy to be companions with her. I like them both, but maybe not as a companionship. The dilemma now is whether I do anything to apologize to "R." It's possible that she heard us. There is also the possibility that she didn't.

I should learn my lesson and remember the counsel of my parents: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Sigh.

My Personality

I took a personality test online today. The questions were odd, a bit repetitive, and kinda got me to thinking about how I view myself. When I got to the end and hit the "results" button, I didn't expect to be looking into a mirror.

Surprisingly, the results were pretty accurate to how I am.

Go figure.





My Personal Dna Report

Kick the Salesman, not the tires

It's been a while since I wrote last. No excuses. Just call me Slacker Queen, or simply, Your Highness, if you wish.

It was a crazy weekend. My husband finally went out and got himself a new truck. He's been talking about it for months and months, and I guess Mercury and Venus were aligned just right because we now have a new vehicle in the garage and a new car payment to prove it.

We really only went to the dealership to look, shop around, make comparisons. Unfortunately, we underestimated the salesmen. You know how when you first walk in, they are bending over backwards to make sure you get what you are looking for? They show you everything on the lot, spout out specs like they are telling you their names, and go on and on about how great the vehicle is. But, once you start talking numbers, Mr. Hyde pops out and all the niceties go right out the proverbial window.

We were at the Toyota dealer and my husband just wanted a baseline price -- but the salesman wouldn't talk numbers with him unless he first signed a paper saying he was serious about buying. They really use high-pressure tactics to get you to buy. The tension was so thick that I just wanted to get up and leave. My husband is very opinionated and speaks first, thinks later -- the interchange got rather heated. I was able to interject a few times to help smooth things over, becuase that's my job as Superwoman, right? Oh, wait, my cape is at the drycleaners... I'm Slacker Queen now!

We finaly convinced the salesmen (the original guy went and got his manager) to let us drive the truck home to see how it fit in our garage. It was good to get away from the sitatuion so we could think without them breathing down our necks.

We weren't out of the woods yet though... we get back to the dealership (this time with 2/3 of our children) and start talking numbers again. I swear the price changed every time we blinked, and not always in our favor. Good thing my husband was keeping a close eye on the numbers and wouldn't stand for any switcheroos...

To make a long story short, my husband got the truck of his dreams. I was lucky enough to be able to drive it, and it makes me hungry for a new car too... my car is 11 years old and showing its age! Unfortunately, one new car in this family is more than enough.

At least I can bask in the new car smell... that's almost as good, right??

Can You Hear Me Now?

And, thanks to Verizon, I CAN!!!

I spoke with my very best friend today for the first time ever. That sounds odd, I know, but it's just the way it is. I only met her a year or so ago online but we hit it right off and have been pals ever since.

So, after months and months of emails and IM chats, we spoke on the phone. It's still as though I've known her my entire life. It's only a matter of time now before we meet IRL.

Technology is awesome and thank heavens for unlimited cell to cell minutes!! Woohoo!

I'm Gonna Do It!

Turning the Big Three-Oh has caused me to do a lot of reflection on my life. It was difficult for me to enter into this new decade -- I feel as though I should have accomplished more in my life, have more experiences, seen more places...

For several months I have vacillated on the decision whether to compete for my State's title in the Mrs. United States Pageant. One day I would be feeling really confident and sure that it was the right thing for me, and the next day I would feel inadequate and like I would be making a fool of myself to even try.

But, today I convinced myself to go to the first orientation. I walked in the room, filled with intelligent, beautiful women, and almost turned around and walked back out. I forced myself to stay and sat at a table with very talkative, likeable women. By the time the orientation was over, I was feeling good about my decision to compete.

There are many obstacles in my way, and several hurdles I'll have to get by before the "big day," but I really think that I will come out of this a better person. I hope to gain more confidence in myself and my abilities, and be able to carry myself like the Daughter of a King that I am -- win or lose.

The Director of the Pageant told me, "You felt compelled to seek out this opportunity for a reason -- don't let it pass you by." I think she's right. It's time to step out of my comfort zone and get myself out there!

This is the life experience and accomplishment I've been lacking and it feels good to be a part of it all!

Here We Go Again!

This morning my youngest was difficult to rouse from bed. She has been nursing a cough for the past week and it must have finally caught up to her.

She was super whiney and difficult so I asked her if she was feeling sick. With her best puppy-dog face she nods yes, so I sent her off to bed again. The morning was spent in jammies watching television and playing her sister's Game Boy.

At lunchtime she comes to me and says, "Mommy, I'm not sick, I just didn't want to do something at school that would be really hard, but I don't remember what it was going to be..."

The kid is in Kindergarten. Give me a break! They aren't supposed to learn this stuff until they are at least in 3rd grade, right?

And, so it begins again.....

What's the deal??

Part of my New Year's resolution is to eat better -- so, in my quest to fulfill, I've made a better commitment at eating breakfast. I bought several Yoplait yogurts this week since they were on sale (who said you had to pay more to slim down??) and one of them was the "new" Yoplait Whips. I wanted to see if eating a chocolate yogurt was really "getting a massage GOOD."

Boy was I disappointed!

It was 4 oz. of whipped nothingness. Chocolate-flavored air. Not sure this counts as "part of a complete balanced breakfast" -- where's the rest of it?

What's next? Yogurt mist from a Binaca tube?