The Importance of Friends

Do you have one of those people in your life that make you laugh until your sides ache over dumb little things? A person that when you spend time with them, the time just flies by in a blink? A person who makes you feel good about yourself just by being with them? A person who would do anything for you at the drop of a hat and not expect anything in return?

I have one of those people... and I thank Heavenly Father for her every single day.

I don't know where I'd be without my pal. She is absolutely incredible and I'm sad that I haven't known her my entire life (though I know I chose her in the Pre-Existence), it just took us a while to find each other here on earth. I've never met a more generous, loving soul. Ever. I totally want to be her when I grow up.

My buddy and I had lunch together today. We sat down at the restaurant and it was literally 3:30 by the time we got up to leave. It didn't seem like we'd been sitting there for 3 hours. We talked and giggled the whole time... I'm sure I burned off a few calories from laughing so hard (bonus!). Afterwards we stopped at the grocery store because we each needed a few things and I wasn't ready to take her home. Again, total giggles up and down the aisles. Even mundane things become fun when you have a friend to share it with (although, she can go to her gynecologist by herself...).

They say that you can't take anything with you when you die... but I know that our friends are the most prized posssessions we can have on this earth and we will get to be with the really good ones up in heaven. I'm hoping that our plots are right next door to each other. Every Wilma needs a Betty!

I love you, pal. Thanks for the day. See you next week!!

What a loss.....

Heath Ledger, who starred in one of my all-time favorite movies (shown below) died today of an apparent drug overdose. There are many facets of this news that is sad, not the least of which is that he was only 28 and that he has a young daughter who will now never know her daddy.

Reports are still unconclusive as to whether the overdose was intentional or not. He was in an apartment awaiting a massage and when an assistant came to tell him the masseuse had arrived, he was found naked and dead with pills nearby.

What a shame. He's such a beautiful man with so much promise in his career. It just goes to prove that it doesn't matter how famous you are, money will NOT buy you happiness. It's too bad that he didn't reach out for help before he got so low that this was the only way out for him. Owen Wilson felt the same way last year and had it not been for good friends and timely intervention, he would be in the same boat.

I will mourn this loss. How very sad.

Don't What?

This is posted on my 7 year old's bedroom door.

I promise to not disterd. I swear.

A picture is worth.....

Here I am, Before:




Here I am, After:



Please don't notice there is also a significant weight difference between the two photos. Fifteen extra pounds followed me home one day and decided to stay. I'm working on finding a good home for them soon.....

Still Brunette

Yep, I'm still brunette. Most of the reaction I've received has been positive, but I'm still not sure if they are being sincere or if they are just trying to be nice. I still double-take when I pass by a mirror and at one point my oldest daughter, upon seeing me from behind, wasn't sure who I was. The change is definitely drastic.

My husband wasn't able to see the fruits of my derangement until Tuesday night about 9:30. I came home from book club and he was in the kitchen so I just walked in and stood there. He looked up at me, paused for a brief second, and said, "Wow, your hair is dark." That's it. I think I expected something more... something like in the old Tom & Jerry cartoons where the characters' eyes pop out of their head with an "aaahhhhooooogggggaaaaa" sound... but, I just get "wow, your hair is dark."

After he'd had a day to have the change grow on him a bit I asked him what he truly thought when he first saw my hair. He said, "Just what I said... wow, your hair is dark." He did say that he likes it, it's just different.

Hmmm, "different."

On a whim, I called my hairdress to see what could be done to tone it down a bit and she said we could do some highlights to bring the color down but that would cost $36 - way more than I can spend on a hairdo I already paid for. Anything else requires bleach and could turn my hair a lovely shade of pink. Grrrrrr. I'm essentially stuck being a brunette for a while. Guess I better get friendly with the girl in the mirror.

I'll post pictures soon.

I think I made a boo-boo

Uh oh... I may have made a major mistake today, but I really won't know for sure until this evening when I bring others in on my moment of insanity.

What did I do?

Well, after months of looking at myself in a mirror and trying hard not to gag at the reflection, I stormed calmly walked into my hairdresser's salon and demanded requested a change. She smiled, sat me in her swiveling chair, draped me in the cape and pulled out her little swatches of hair to choose from. I pointed to one and she went to mix the solution. Hair color is a bit deceiving since it looks harmless in a nice white-colored cream, which she generously slathered all over my head. I happily skipped over to the dryer to sit and process all the while trying to read lips as she talked to me and I (hopefully) responded in the right places at the right times.

:: as an aside, why in the world do people like hairdressers and dentists try to carry on coversations with their clients/patients when it's abundantly clear that they are unable to hear/speak back?? Why??? ::

After the dryer it was over to the sink to be shampooed and conditioned. I happily carried on a conversation with my energetic hairdresser where we giggled and chatted over the antics of children and the frustrations of lunatic siblings... and that's when she spun the chair around so I was face to face with myself in the mirror.

GASP!

I now have the same color hair as my hairdresser, though she admitted that she had never in her life been a blonde as I had been just 45 minutes earlier. My hair is now the color of a dark devils-food chocolate bon-bon where it used to be the color of frosting you'd see on a maple donut. A difference of about 8 shades.

I've had a good part of the day to let the change grow on me, but I still double-take when I pass by a mirror. My husband is going to flip out when he sees it. And, when I say flip out, I'm not sure if that's in a good way or not. I also have book club tonight, where I'll be gathered with several of my closest friends, who all have no idea I've made any changes to my appearance. Their reactions will dictate whether I find myself back in the hairdressers swivel chair tomorrow or not...

So, here I sit... waiting to exhale.....

Hello?

Hello... Hello... Hello...

Is there anybody out there?

Can anyone hear me?

The lights are on, but I don't think anyone is home.

Why do I even keep this blog account open? Maybe I think that someday I'll get hit with a literary stick and I'll begin to spout amazing posts and become a world famous blogger where people will flock from the four corners of the earth to hang on my every word, where even the little black school children from Africa who don't own computers will know me by name because I am THAT amazing.

Not possible, you say?

Yeah, I know. But, it was a good visual for the moment.

Sigh.

Down with Wal-Mart!!

I just got back from a harrowing experience. I went to Wal-Mart. That, in itself, is enough to send shivers down anyone's spine, but it gets better!! Not only did I go to Wal-Mart, but I specifically went to their "Customer Service" department.

What was I thinking???

I had been in just yesterday, and in all the hullaballoo of scanning my items and putting them in bags then getting the bags into the cart, one of my items went AWOL. I got home and checked my receipt. Sure enough, one of the items I purchased didn't make it home with me.

Thus, the visit to Customer Service.

They really need to come up with a better name for that particular department. "Customer Shoot-Us," or "Customer, We Don't Care About You" spring to mind... But I digress.

When I arrived I was #4 in line. Ahead of me was a clean-cut young man returning what appeared to be speakers (I had plenty of time to study his box as I stood behind him, but I was too busy watching the clock tick) and ahead of him was someone who was cashing a paycheck (I heard him mention it to whomever he was talking to on his cell phone); and, ahead of him was a couple who thought that perhaps they were waiting in line at a Best Western because clearly they needed a room! Gag me. Seeing people making out is just gross, especially when they look like they just crawled out from under a viaduct somewhere. Lucky for me I had PLENTY of time to watch them. The line did not move for 25 minutes... as in NOT AT ALL! I glanced behind me often and empathized with those who were last in line. I was last in line once too... but here I stood, #4.

You may be wondering what was worth standing in such an agonizing line for so long... Well, I'd like to say it was for something interesting, or awe-inspiring... but... well, it's not.

It was a colander. A spaghetti strainer. A simple little $6 item.

And now I need to schedule an optometrist appointment so he can get this red hot pokers out of my eyeballs. I doubt Wal-Mart has a department for that.

Down with Wal-Mart!!!!

There's always a first time...

I can't think of a better title than that... Today I had my first EKG. It was supposedly a simple check-up at my doctor's office, where he would check my vitals and see how I'm doing to evaluate the medication I'm taking. The nurse started with the usual -- blood pressure, temperature, and pulse. She commented that it was rather fast. I said that it's always like that, no big deal. She made her notes and left the room.

My doctor came in next, discussed how I've been doing and then he checked my pulse as well. He was alarmed. I was sitting there, at rest, and my pulse rate was 125 bpm. He said it was cause for an EKG. "Great" I thought, "More tests to rack up our bill." Not having health insurance really sucks. Someone get my congressman on the phone!!

So, the nurse comes back in with a little machine and tells me to disrobe, all the way down. That kinda took me by surprise, but I complied, all the while thinking how glad I am that the nurse is female. She said that she'd try to keep this as modest as possible, but there were a lot of places to stick those electrical wires and that paper gown didn't cover much... Thankfully, my husband was the only other person in the room.

The hardest part of the test was getting the nodes in all the right places -- the actual test only took a few seconds. She recorded the readings and then left the room so I could get dressed again and the doctor came back in (good thing I'm a quick dresser, or I would have been caught in my birthday suit!).

The readings came back fairly normal (thank goodness!!) but, even laying down, at rest, my heart rate was over 110.

People who excersize have a target heart rate in that range, and they're losing weight while in that range... Unfortunately for me, I'm not. Instead, I'm gaining. I haven't weighed this much since I was getting ready to deliver my last baby. The weight and the heart rate, and a plethora of other things, are side-effects of an anti-depressant I'm taking to help with headaches, an after-effect of the car accident I was in last December.

Sigh... sometimes I think the headache would be better. Though, I'll need a bigger pill once I receive the bill!! :: shudder ::

I Remember....

I won't forget.

Literary Musings

I'm sure the buzz has reached just about everyone who isn't living under a rock (yep, even me) and the Stephenie Meyers books have come under your radar. What's the big deal, you may ask? Well, since Harry Potter is yesterday's news, the literary world is trying to create a new phenomenon.

Unfortunately for them, I'm not sure the Twilight series has that kind of caliber.

Stephenie Meyers is a break-out author who published her first book "Twilight" in 2004 (I believe) with the sequel following in 2006 and the third in 2007.

I heard about "Twilight" through an LDS online group -- incidentally, the author is also LDS --and decided to give it a try. I like vampire stories. I thought it would be a good fantasy read that I could share with my daughters. However, by the middle of the book, I realized this was not really written for children. It's marketed for children and young adults, but (in my opinion) it's a little old (read: mature) for them. Perhaps I had an unrealistic expectation that this would be up to LDS standards, but the more I read, the more I realized it really wasn't.

I don't want to give too much of the plot away, so I'll choose my words carefully. The main gist of the story is about a plain, all-American girl who falls in love with a vampire and how their relationship progresses. As I read I was surprised at how "familiar" (in the words of my father in law) this couple acted. I would be appalled if one of my daughters had a boyfriend sneak in her room at night to sleep with her (no sex, just sleeping, but still....) And, I found all the talk of his lust for her blood as disturbing as if it were lust for her body (which occurs subtly as well). Vampires, by nature, are erotic creatures... they've been portrayed that way for eons, and Edward is no exception.

Did I put my expectations too high hoping this was a good LDS book? Maybe. Am I reading too much into the story? Perhaps. Will I read the books all the way to the end? Yes, because I'm curious to know how the story unfolds. Will I let my girls read it? Maybe when they are older... I'd definitely give these a PG-13 rating.

All-in-all Mrs. Meyers is a good storyteller. She's no JK Rowling, but then again, talent like THAT is hard to come by. But, she writes in a way that you can relate to how Bella feels and thinks and puts the reader right into the story. I enjoy that.

I'll let you know if my opinion changes once I've finished the trilogy but for the time being, it is a nice story that takes me away from housework and laundry, and that's good enough for me!

Fixing Others' Mistakes

I have to vent for a moment, so please bear with me.

I work from home doing secretarial work, and it is often necessary for me to actually go in to the office to catch up on paperwork, etc. Yesterday was one of those days but instead of just the usual filing, etc, I had to put print/copy and bind several booklets containing 110 pages. I'd spent several hours compiling and printing the pages when Mr. Bossman points out that the odd pages are on the right instead of on the left. I looked at him like he was crazy to think I was going to redo everything I'd already done just to appease such a simple thing. The way he looked back at me spoke volumes... I was going to redo them. Sigh.

So, I was supposed to leave at 2:30, but instead I didn't get out of there until 5:45 and I get the distinct pleasure of going back on Friday to make more booklets.

Why is it that some people expect perfection from others, but if they were doing the same chore, they'd allow little things to slide by? If they had been my booklets, I would have just let it slide and kept the page numbers as they were.... But since he's the one who signs the checks, I gotta do what he says. Blech.

So that was my day yesterday... There was no time for anything else. :: insert an eye-rolling smiley here ::

It was a great day

Usually, Fast and Testimony meeting is my favorite meeting to attend. I love hearing all the different testimonies borne by members of my ward... my friends. However, the last few months have been painfully boring and uninspiring. Instead of spiritual messages of faith, we received travel-monies, brag-a-monies, and long-winded sermon-monies. It is difficult to get through meetings when these are being spewed over the pulpit.

However, today it was different, and back to the type of meeting I look forward to each month.

What was different? Perhaps it was me, and my willingness to search for the message of faith in their words, or perhaps it was those who stood to bear their testimonies that were different. In any event, I left feeling uplifted and spiritually fed, and it felt GOOD.

One particular testimony touched me where one good brother stood to tell about an experience he had earlier in the week where he was confronted with someone who was talking badly about the "Mormon Cult." He was hurt by the words confrontation and tried to dismantle the anger by subtly bearing his testimony to the irate man. It didn't accomplish much and the man stormed out of the office.

For a couple of hours afterward, this ward brother replayed the exchange over and over in his mind and worried that he didn't handle the situation correctly. Maybe he could have been more bold in his testimony, or maybe he could have taken a more "Porter Rockwell" approach. It was much to his surprise when a knock came on his office door and the irate man stepped in. He said he had come to apologize for the words that he'd said earlier and felt sorry for his behavior. The ward brother expressed how glad he was for the apology and, again, bore his testimony.

The entire exchange may have done nothing to change the irate man's opinion of the Church or its members. Perhaps he'll go on thinking his same thoughts and keep his same opinions. But what DID change is the way this dear brother will handle similar confronations in the future. He was an example of what Christ would do -- simply that he would love his brother and continue to stand as a witness of Christ and to not bow down in the face of adversity. He can walk away blameless that he did all he could to let the irate man know that Mormons are Christians and that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, just as He is for everyone on earth.

I hope I could do as well in a similar situation.

I love the Gospel and I'm grateful for all our Savior has done for me -- little, seemingly insignificant me -- and He loves me. I'm so thankful for my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I pray that I can always stand as a witness for Him who stands at its head.

It was a great day. :o)

Didja Miss Me?

It has been a while since I've visited my own blog, let alone to add a new post. I just figured nobody was reading anyway, and I was uninspired as to what it should say. But, my thanks to Lisa M. for challenging me to write something new. So, here we go....

::tap tap tap:: is this thing on?

Ahem

Today is a monumentous day. Why, you may ask... because today is the day I created 3 monsters. Well, to tell you the truth, I created them 11, 9 and 7 years ago, but today just compounded the issue.... I taught them how to use the Internet and gave each of them, my offspring, an email address. So, now they have a tether to the World Wide Web. They are really loving the new and exciting world that stares back at them from the big white box on the computer desk.

This afternoon as I was catching up on some ironing, B, my 9 year old, comes up to me and says, "Mommy, now I know why you spend so much time on the computer... It's fun!!"

How am I supposed to take that? 1) My children acknowledge that I spend way too much time online; or 2) they finally get to use the computer because I'm not hogging it; or 3) they appreciate me for showing them something new.

I tend to lean towards #1.

I know I do.

Which Disney Princess Are You? Cinderella You poor girl, working your hands to the bone for your wicked stepmother and ugly stepsisters. Cinderella first scrubbed up for her role in Cinderella (1950)

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

This is a good thing... Ironic, since Cinderella is my favorite. Don't we all feel a little "Cinderella-ish" at times? I'm still waiting for the pumpkin carriage to take me to my palace, but at least I don't have to wait alone... I did find Prince Charming.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The South
Philadelphia
The Northeast
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

Oh my heck! No big surprise there... I've lived in the West my entire life. I don't think I have an accent at all, but others peg me as a "Westonian" almost instantly. Go figure.

Monday MeMe

I got this from Lammy, and figured it was good enough for a fairly quick Monday MeMe. The things I've done are blue:

Have you ever:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink.
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain.
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive. [Not Ferrari, but Corvette.]
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid.
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone.
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it.
09. Hugged a tree.
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise.
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game.
16. Been to the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne.
24. Given more than you can afford to charity.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment.
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can.
32. Held a lamb.
33. Seen a total eclipse.
34. Ridden a roller coaster.
35. Hit a home run.
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was watching.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day.
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment.
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends [still do]
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party.
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days.
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Gone to a movie by yourself.
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children [still doing it]
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds.
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart.
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone.
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours.
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school and read (LOTS!)
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

Good News!

Thanks to all the parental displeasure and several calls to the principal, my daughter's first grade teacher officially resigned on Friday. She is no longer teaching in our school.

This morning Tiny was so excited to go to school that she was up and dressed without any prodding from me. She was sure to put on her new necklace and bracelet that Grandma and Grandpa brought her from Hawaii and wear them proudly (her teacher wouldn't allow the children to wear any jewelry to school). Tiny made the comment, "I can now, because [my teacher] is gone!" She was beaming.

So, it's true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The classroom should run much smoother and the children should enjoy learning again. I can't wait to hear all about her day when she gets home.

Woohoo!!

Frustrated... Grrrrrrr

I have three daughters in the public school system, all in elementary school. I've had gripes in the past, but none can compare to what I'm feeling this year.

Biggest problem at hand is with the first grade teacher. My youngest daughter has always been very happy-go-lucky and can make friends in even the worst circumstances. She thrived in Kindergarten and enjoyed going to school each and every day. She was even more excited to begin first grade because she'd get to spend more time with her friends and get to have lunch in the cafeteria. It was her dream!

Fast forward just a few weeks and suddenly she doesn't want to go to school anymore. She wakes up each day and tells me that she has a headache, or that she feels like she's going to throw up... It's a struggle every morning, tears shed (by both of us) and I feel horrible for sending her out the door sobbing. She hates her teacher. I'm not happy with the teacher either, and even less so now that I've networked with other parents with students in the class.

I put a call in to the principal, who is out of the office today, to voice my concerns. I discovered in talking with other parents that at least 8 children have been pulled out and placed in other classes. That alone speaks volumes about the state of the classroom, doesn't it?

I am unable to merely transfer my daughter to another class because we are on year-round school and it would require changing all of my children... but I haven't disregarded the thought of homeschooling through the end of the year for my youngest. First grade is too critical of a time to dislike school. If she can't enjoy school and have fun while learning now, I fear that it will snowball down through the remaining years of her learning career.

I'm so frustrated. I just want the best for my kids and I hate being at the mercy of beauracracy. I hope and pray the principal (or the superintendant if I have to go that far) will see it the same way I do....

You Never Know What You've Got...

My Internet connection has been down for a two days. Since yesterday morning, I'd boot up my computer, sit down to do my thang, only to be greeted with a little yellow exclamation point in my task bar telling me that a connection could not be established.

Oh what misery!!

After about 6 hours of this I started to panic a bit. No Email. No blogs. No Group. No IM. No NOTHING! I felt to shut off from the outside world and it was driving me nuts! Oh man, I might have to actually pick up the phone to call my neighbor and tell her that her kids were playing at my house instead of IM'ing her. Oh, the inhumanity!!

I used that phone contraption first thing today to call my provider and insist that they check the tower or something and fix my problem before I was carted off to the funny farm. It took some time, but here I am -- online and sufficiently cyber-medicated. Aaahhhhhhhh.

Carry on.

25 Years

It was in 1981 that Luke and Laura tied the knot on General Hospital. I wasn't an active watcher back then, but my mom was, and I can still remember the buzz surrounding the blessed nuptials.

And, here it is 2006 and the infamous couple are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. I have been an avid GH'er for more than 15 years... the type of viewer that taped the show when I wouldn't be able to be home, planning my schedule around the show, and talking about the characters with other GH'ers as though they were real people. I would never admit it in the open, but I actually talk to the screen now and then when I feel that the show isn't going my way... I'm hooked, what can I say?

So, with such an important event occuring on my show today, you can bet I'll be sitting on my favorite spot on the couch, with a cold coke in hand, as I sit transfixed watching the return of Laura and the celebration that is sure to follow. I can hardly wait!

If Only...

I just finished reading "The Wedding" by Nicholas Sparks, much to the dismay of my beloved husband. If you haven't read the book, and you don't want the plot spoiled, don't finish reading this entry...

You've been warned...

Okay, so you want to know why he was dismayed. Well, the book is about a middle-aged couple who have grown apart over the years. Kids and career came between them and they were practically strangers in their own home... so much so that the husband completely forgot their 29th wedding anniversary.

With renewed resolve, he vows to make it up to her and spends the months prior to their 30th wedding anniversary preparing a fabulous gift of the heart. Unfortunately, just one week before their anniversary their oldest daughter comes to them and says she is getting married and wants to do it on their anniversary to honor them. The wife jumps at the opportunity to give her daughter the wedding she wasn't able to have 30 years ago and immediately starts with preparations.

During that week, the husband and wife -- amidst all the chaos of planning a wedding for their daughter -- slowly reacquaint themselves with one another and begin to remember why the fell in love all those years ago. It all culminates when the husband presents his wife with the gift he made her to celebrate their anniversary.

This is where it gets good.

To present the gift, he sends her on a scavanger hunt, where each location holds a note and a gift. She is then whisked away in a limosine to where the husband is waiting, wearing a tuxedo and preparing a fabulous meal. He sends her upstairs to retrieve something for him, and instead finds a photo album that he assembled of their life together. He said it held all the things he "should have said" and each photo of the two of them together was accompanied by what he was thinking at the time. That alone would have melted me to a puddle... how romantic is that!!!

They renewed themselves and their love. It was beautiful.

The day of their daughter's wedding arrived and the mother and father of the bride were waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her to make her grand entrance... instead, she bounds down the stairs wearing the same bridesmaid dress as her sister. The mother asks incredulously why she isn't wearing the gown they had picked out... the daughter responds: "becuase I'm not getting married today, you are!"

The whole thing had been a rouse by the husband to set up the wedding they didn't have 30 years ago. They had been married on the courthouse steps and the wife had always regretted it a bit. I finished the last 10 pages of the book with tears streaming down my face, and then spent the next half hour relating the whole story to my husband. It was such a beautiful story!!

We celebrated our 14th anniversary last year. Our wedding was anything but glamorous or romantic -- I purchased a dress from Nordstrom's that I would be able to wear again and again at church, and he wore a suit he borrowed from a friend. We were married in the Relief Society room of our church house by a bishop who had never performed a wedding before. Our guests were invited by phone call the night before, and only a handful of them came. It was a short ceremony and there was no reception afterwards... instead we went to my new brother-in-law's home for cake. We had a small open house a few weeks later, but even then it was held in my FIL's back yard and it was a very casual affair.

I know that it's the marriage that counts, not the wedding, but every little girl dreams of the day she'll get to walk down the aisle and recite her vows before her friends and family while wearing a glamorous gown and feeling like a princess. A temple wedding is a bit different, but the desire for the fairy tale is still there.

I want the fairy tale. I would love it for my husband to take the initiative and do what Wilson did in the novel. It would be a dream come true...

Sigh. If only....

My Brain...

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking. You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view. For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different. Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Stand as a Witness Part II

The weekend is over -- what an experience!!

It would take a month to write out everything I did and thought over the weekend, so I'll try to summarize it the best I can.

Beth Moore has a very large following and is popular around the Christian Born-Again scene. She travels all over the world giving seminars and conferences and "spreading the Word of God." It's not just her business, it's her life. She has a band that was with her at this seminar... Travis Cottrell and the Praise Team... they play typical Christian music with rock beats and phrases like: "You took the shackles off me so I can lift you up Lord..." and "Let's raise the roof off the sanctuary with our love, Lord" etc.

Each phase of the conference started with the band playing and everyone stood to dance and raise their hands in the air. I just stood and quietly bounced to the music, trying to not look as out of place as I felt. When Beth Moore came out, everyone cheered and clapped, and continued to cheer and clap and shout "Amen" or "Praise the Lord" to punctuate her message.

The main message of the seminar was God's immeasurable love for us. I agree wholeheartedly with that.. but the way she went about delivering that message left me often shaking my head and feeling very confused. She bounced all around the Bible, and I took notes to try to keep up. I'll say this much for Beth Moore -- she is a very dynamic speaker and she loves being on the stage. Unfortunately, she lacks emotion. She spoke of some very tough times in her life, yet she showed no real emotion. She spoke of her great love for Jesus, yes she showed no real emotion. Her voice went loud and soft for emphasis, but it lacked real emotion.

After 6 hours of her speaking and the band playing, I was ready to go home and leave the world of Beth Moore behind. I realized how grateful I was for the reverence of the Church and for the Priesthood that leads us and for personal revelation that guides me in the ways I should go. I just didn't realize how grateful I was until the next day (Sunday) back in my home ward, in my home chapel, with my husband and family by my side.

It was Fast and Testimony meeting and the testimonies borne by my ward family touched me deeper than they have in a long time. And, it just got better in Sunday School where the teacher was discussing the lesson on receiving His image in your countenance and then he showed excerpts from "Finding Faith in Christ" where I witnessed again, up close, the miracles Christ performed during his earthly ministry and the great love He has for all of us. I also watched as he was crucified and felt again the incredible sacrifice the Atonement really is. I was so deeply moved that I just sat in my seat and wept. It's so amazing to me!!

What did I gain from the seminar? I felt the stark contrast of what it is to be immersed in the Spirit and to be alienated from it. I realized how blessed I am to know there is a prophet on the earth today and that I have direct access to the Priesthood, the ability to act in the name of God on earth, through my husband any time I need it. I KNOW my Savior loves me. I KNOW he atoned for my sins. I KNOW He is there for me any day, any hour, any minute that I need Him.

Do the women at that seminar know who they pray to? Do they fully understand the Savior's love for them? Do they understand what it means to be a daughter of God? Do they understand? Do they?

I do.

Stand as a Witness

Tonight I am doing something out of my comfort zone, but I'm going into it with a positive attitude and a smiling face...

I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was 15 years old and I remain the only member of my family in the Church. My parents never felt God or religion were important in life and I grew up thinking Sunday was just another day. They generally have the same ideas except my mother has been searching a little more as she ages (though I feel she is searching in the wrong places).

To give some additional background, my mother has three younger sisters, all living in different states and two of which have strongly embraced the Pentacostal, Born-Again faith. While I love my aunts dearly, they make no bones about the fact they do not like the Mormon faith and actively speak out against LDS teachings. They know I am active in my church and I participate fully in all the LDS gospel has to offer (including the temple) and occasionally they enjoy debating the Bible with my husband and I (seemingly for sport). Again, I'll state that I love my aunts and as long as religion is kept out of the conversation, we have a great time. My mother, bless her heart, finds it easier to accept their teachings than mine and has semi-adopted their philosophies, though she isn't consistently active...

So, that brings us to tonight. I have been invited, and accepted, a girls night out with my mom and her sisters to attend a Bible seminar by Christian speaker, Beth Moore. As I looked at Beth Moore's website, I see that she is a Baptist minister who is "on fire" about the Word of God. The tickets to attend were $50 each, which my mom happily bought mine for me. I know I will be in the extreme minority in the crowd at this Conference tonight and I know I will be under the microscope of my family, watching to see how I will react to what is said.

I'm not well-versed with all aspects of the Gospel, but I know in my heart that it is all true. I cannot quote scripture verbatim, but I know they are real messages from God through His prophets. I know there is truth in all faiths, and I will seek out what I know to be true in the messages delivered tonight and I will receive it graciously. Hopefully, I am going to be an example of a good Latter-day Saint woman and represent the Church and our Savior well.

I keep thinking back to the YW Theme: I will stand as a witness of God at all times, and in all things and in all places... That certainly applies to now.

We're Back!

We are back and we had a FABULOUS time in Disneyland. The weather was perfect, the girls were all well-behaved, and everything went as planned. I couldn't have asked for a better vacation.

I will say that I am so glad that I wore good shoes because we did a LOT of walking. I would guess we walked close to 20 miles while in the parks and none of the kids complained once that they were tired. If you are planning a trip to Disneyland, let me suggest you go the last week of September... the first day we were there was a Tuesday and there were absolutely NO lines. We were waiting less than 5 minutes to ride and we were able to see the entire park in that day alone. The next day we focused on our favorite rides and were able to ride them multiple times becuase, again, no lines.

Unfortunately, Friday, our last day in Disney, the crowds showed up. Suddenly there were lines over a half-hour long (and I hear that's still pretty good compared to peak season) and there were people EVERYWHERE! It was the only day there were any complaints about the trip, and many of them came from me. We wanted to be sure to have the full effect of the fireworks show, which meant we had to claim our spot in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle 2 hours before the show... sitting on concrete for two hours is not good on the hynie. But, I will say that the fireworks presentation was worth the wait... breathtaking!

Disney is a magical place -- albeit incredibly expensive -- and we had a riot. It was hard to come home as I would have liked to stay another week... but life must go on, right? Now, I need a rest from all that walking!

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

So, tomorrow is the day. It's the first time that we are all going on an actual vacation together as a family. This is no weekend camping trip, or a quickie overnight stay somewhere, this is an honest-to-goodness, bonafide VACATION!

I think I am more excited than my children are to be going to Disneyland. I haven't been since I was 8 years old, and now I have my own little 8 year old that will be experiencing Disney for the first time. Seems odd to have the shoe on this foot... suddenly, I feel more "parental" to be traveling with my children; while at the same time I'm giddy as a schoolgirl thinking I"m going to see Cinderella close up! Go figure.

I don't feel at all prepared, though I've been preparing for over a week. I'm convinced I will forget to pack something essential. It's hard enough when I'm just packing for myself, but trying to predict what each of my three children (and husband) could possibly need in the next 5 days and making sure it gets into the luggage, is a bit much. Not to mention, trying to obey all of the TSA restrictions and guidelines...

It's enough to send any mom off to the looney bin.

Hey.... wait a minute. The looney bin?? Three square meals and total isolation? Now THAT sounds like the perfect vacation. Sign me up!

Love this Quote

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of God that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’

- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

There is so much truth there. It literally gives me goosebumps.

Just one of those days...

Ever have one of those days when you feel like the world is moving along without you? Where everywhere you look people are succeeding and getting what they want out of life? Where you feel like you just aren't making the cut and that everything you touch turns to dust?

The kind of day where you just feel like crap?

Well, that's my day yesterday and today.... lookin' like tomorrow too.

I'd like to have a party and invite Jack, Jim, and good ole Bud, but since those guys aren't on my party invitation list, I'll settle for Ben and his pal Jerry. Drown my self in double fudge brownie.

Sigh. Just one of those days.

MeMe, All About Me!!

1. How often do you blog? Whenever I dang well feel like it, so there!!

2. Online Alias: No aliases here... I've had my online name so long that I answer to Heart in real life now. *sigh*

3. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew? Unfortunately, yes, and it came back to bite me in the butt. That'll learn me to be a better judge of character...

4. What do you do most often when you are bored? Usually play a riveting game of Spider Solitaire on my computer and stare at the bottom right corner of my screen for an IM announcement that someone... anyone... has come on IM so I can chat. It's akin to picking up the phone every three or four seconds to see if someone is trying to call.

5. When bathing, which do you wash first? Always my hair... probably because I love the smell of my shampoo so much that I can spend the rest of my showering pretending it's aromatherapy.

6. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No, and I don't think I'll risk trying it either.

7. What color looks best on you? I get the most compliments when I wear pinks and corals... but that's not to say *I* think they look the best on me... I'd have to go with a paper sack??

8. What’s your favorite drink? Vanilla Coke... but the big wigs at Coca Cola went and discontinued it... what the heck were they thinking???

9. Do you believe in heaven and hell as a real place that each of us will go to after death? Absolutely.

10. Do you find that you have more online friends than offline friends? Ummm, would you find me incredibly pathetic if I answer yes?

11. What was your favorite subject in school? I liked anything that had to do with numbers. I was always really good in math and accounting. There is just something so satisfying when you get to the end and find that you got the right answer.

12. Are you a perfectionist? I'd have to say definitely yes. To a fault.

13. Do you spend more than you can afford? Budget shmudget.

14. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have love before? Nothing hurts quite like that of a broken heart... but it's impossible to know the good without the bad. When love is good, man, oh man is it GOOD!! But, when it's bad.... ick.

15. Do you consider yourself creative? I'm a good copycat. I don't come up with ideas on my own, but if I have a good pattern to imitate, then I can pull off some creative things. Does that count?

16. Do you give yourself the credit you deserve? Do you think I deserve any?

17. Do you donate time or money to charities? Yes, both time and money. I am a firm believer that when ye are in the service of your fellow men, you are in the service of your God.

18. Have you recently done something that you’ve criticized others for doing? Yep. My kids aren't allowed to have treats after dinner if they haven't finished all of their meal... yet I get to have what I want, when I want it. It's a Mommy Perk.

19. What’s on your mind? I'm blonde... you don't want to know.

20. Say one nice thing about the people you are going to tag!

I don't know many bloggers, and no bloggers that haven't already been tagged with this... but I will say that Lammy has to be my very best friend, online and in real life. She knows just what I need to hear and she finishes my sentences before I even realized that's what I was going to say. I love her more than words can say.


So.... anyway.... that's me.

Crikey! What a loss.....

The world lost a valuable asset today. Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter" was killed after getting stung by a stingray near Queensland, Australia.

Steve has given our family many laughs and his love and enthusiasm for animals and nature was contagious. We love to quote his many "Irwinisms" complete with the accent (albeit bad as we are at imitating). I will forever hear "Crikey, she's a bit grumpy today" as said to a crocodile mother whom I was nervous just watching from the comfort of my living room, and Steve was inching towards her to... what? Give her a hug??

My favorite Crocodile moment was when he first introduced the "most feared and dangerous animal known to man" at which point he came walking into view holding his newborn daughter. You could tell how much he loved her and I bet he was a fantastic father.

He handled even the creepiest creepy crawlies like they were his best friends, and I believe they probably were. It seems only fitting that he died doing what he loved most, though there is a void in the world now and he will be missed. Probably none so much as by his sweet family.

Bye Steve... you will be missed.

I only hope there is an incredible zoo in heaven that needs a keeper.

From "Everyday Mommy." Many retailers, marketing and PR firms review mommy blogs for trends and opinions. If we speak as one we may be able to effect change."

It's so difficult to find clothing for my daughters these days... either the pants are so low that their underwear shows over the top, or thier shirts are so high that their bellies show. And, why is it that I cannot find a decent Easter dress with sleeves????? If only one of my multiple personalities were a seamstress, I may not fret so much about it... but, as it is, I have to deal with the store-to-store search for decent, modest clothing.

I'm all for sending the message to retailers that we want to keep our children LOOKING like children for as long as we can. We all know what happened to JonBenet Ramsey, don't we.

Kids and Sports

After years of begging, I finally enrolled my middle daughter into soccer. All of her friends have been playing since they were in the first grade (now third) and I've just never had the desire or the time to want to participate. Neither of her sisters have ever expressed the desire for team sports, or doing anything like that, so I just kept brushing my middlest off, always saying "maybe next season..."

But, I finally relented and signed her up for this season. Yesterday was their first orientation meeting where they met the coach and the team, received their uniforms, and had a small practice afterwards. My sweet little Bee was so excited to be there and listened very intently to everything the coach was saying. I loved watching her enthusiasm as she had her small moments with the ball, and I can see in her personality that she will be a great team player. The look of sheer pleasure on her face as she ran around the field was priceless.

I wish I would have done it sooner.

It's SOOOO wrong!

What is this world coming to?? The issues that we are facing today are enough to make anyone shake their head in confusion.

The other day my husband and I were flipping channels on TV. Our three daughters came and went from the room while they went about their evening activities... It was a lazy night for all. My husband stopped on a channel that was doing a study on whether they could tell a homosexual merely by the way they sat and spoke. At that point, my middle daughter (age 8) came into the room and plopped onto the couch to watch with us. The study showed a set of twin men, where one was gay but the other was straight. They talked about how genetics could be the source of homosexuality, but in the case of the twins, there was also environment issues that were the cause... They then showed twin boys (around the age of my daughter) in the same situation -- one was questioning his sexuality, saying he felt he was a girl in a boys body. The study put a test to the viewers by showing home videos of children doing various activities and challenged the viewers to pick which grew up straight and which grew up gay.

We changed the channel at that point.

Last night, my eight year old daughter comes up to me and asks, "Mom, do you think I'm gay, or do I just mumble too much?" My heart sank to my shoes. I told her that she is a beautiful and sweet little girl who I loved very much and, "no, I don't think you are gay."

Apparently, she had picked up from the study that a person who is gay tends to have a different manner of speech than those who are straight. I've often told my 8-year-old that she mumbles and she needs to learn to speak more clearly so everyone can understand her. In her young mind, she took that to mean that since she has a different manner of speaking, then she must be like the children in the TV program.

How many of the world's children have the same thought processes and come to the conclusion that they must be homosexual, thus acting on those thoughts?? How many parents, afraid to ostracise their kids, agree with their assumptions in the vein of "accepting them how they are"?

Why is it that homosexuality is taught in schools as being an "alternate lifestyle" but teaching about God is not welcome?

What is wrong with this world??

Back to Regularly Scheduled Life

The Pageant is officially over. What an experience it was!

It began on Friday with the interview portion and I met with the 5 interviewers and got my 5 minutes in the hot seat. I left feeling a bit overwhelmed and unsure if I gave them what they wanted. It was harder than interviewing for a job... Bob Lonsberry was one of the judges, but I didn't shmooze up to him, though my husband is a big fan. He threw out the toughest questions to me and I felt that I answered him well...

Saturday was full of rehearsals and the culminating event: The Pageant. I was contestant #25 of 29, which put me near the end. I liked that I was towards the end so that I could watch the others that went before me and hopefully emulate their good points. We had the opening number (thankfully there were no complicated dance moves) and we introduced ourselves and our platforms to the judges and the audience. It was almost my turn and I was standing on my mark on stage waiting for the girl in front of me to finish her intros when her microphone went out. I was standing there wondering if I should walk up and hand her the microphone I was holding. But, when I tapped it, my mic wasn't working either, so I continued to stand there and watched her finish in her loudest voice. When I approached center stage and spoke into my mic, it worked and I did my thing. I feel bad that I didn't help her out in a moment that was undoubtedly tense for her. I wonder if I'd offered her help if the judges would have scored me more favorably.

The next portion was the swimsuit. Man, is that ever an intimidating thing to do!! I walked across the stage in my turquoise one-piece and felt every eye on me. Blech! I was so glad to get off stage after that.

Next came evening gown. I had my husband on stage with me as my escort and having him there made me feel less self-conscious. He looked so good in his tux!! Husband voice-overs were playing as each girl did her walk in front of the judges and my husband's tribute to me was well worth it all! I can't wait to get my DVD so I can listen to it again and again. I felt like a real princess.

The judges had a very difficult decision to make in narrowing it down from 29 to just 10. All of the ladies were gorgeous and polished and wonderful. There we were, all standing on stage, trying to keep smiling as the numbers were called off and the Top Ten emerged. Unfortunately, #25 was not called and I walked off the stage with the other 19 girls. At that point, I was ready to go home and put my feet up. It was all over for me, there was nothing left but awards. But, I came back on stage after the Top Ten answered their on-stage question, with a smile on my face and my aching feet throbbing in my shoes...

So, not only did I not win, I didn't even place. But you know what? While I'm disappointed in the outcome, I'm not disappointed in myself. I gave them my very best of me and I can't feel bad about that.

I've been asked if I'd consider competing again. My answer to that is "Maybe." If I do, I will choose a different pageant to be part of, Mrs. United States isn't for me.

So, now it's back to reality... sigh.

P.S. I'd post a picture or two, but unfortunately, we handed our camera off to a friend in the front row, and they apparently don't know how to use a digital camera. Not a single picture came out clear. Dangit.

Cycle of Life

My great grandmother died this morning. She lived to be 88 years old. We've been saying for the last several years that Grandma probably wouldn't hang on much longer, and each Christmas we said would probably be her last. She sure showed us!

We all knew that her time was very short -- especially after falling and breaking her hip last Wednesday. In her old age, she has suffered from congestive heart failure, several infections, and dimentia, not to mention the fact that she refused to give up smoking, but she decided that it was her time to go, so she went.

My mom told me she went and visited Grandma in the hospital on Saturday evening. During the visit, Grandma reached her hand up and held it in the air for a moment. My mom asked her what she was doing and Grandma responded, "I'm waiting for that man over there..." Grandma was lucid at the time, but perhaps not all on this plane.

I'm sure she's happy now, and a lot more comfortable than she's been for a long while. Unfortunately, she did not have the fullness of the Gospel in her life like she should have. I really don't know what sorts of choices she made as a young woman, but I know that the Gospel was a part of her life at one time. I regret that I never asked her more about her life, and that I wasn't as close to her as I could have been.

I'm grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel and for my membership in the Church. I have a relationship with my Father in Heaven and I rejoice in having Christ as my personal Savior. I hope that when it's my time to cross the veil that I have multitudes waiting to welcome me into Paradise. Perhaps one day I'll have the chance to talk to Grandma again, and maybe say the things I should have said here on earth. Who knows, maybe I'll even have a chance to help teach her there. I pray I will.

Love you, Grandma!

Get Back in the Saddle

Last night my husband and I were just settling down to watch Survivor together when our front door opened and our youngest daughter was screaming for Mommy. We jumped up and ran upstairs at break-neck speed to see what was wrong. There in the entry way stood our 5-year-old daughter, cyring hysterically, blood dripping down her face, clothes splotched with blood and her hands coated trying to hold it all in. Seeing her like that made my heart sank to the floor.

My husband scooped her up and we ran upstairs to our bathroom where we tried to assess the situation. We checked her mouth first to make sure she hadn't knocked her teeth out, and then we checked to make sure she hadn't broken anything. All the while, she's still sobbing uncontrollably. At one point she looks up and asks, "Am I going to die?" Another heart-dropping moment for this mom! What must have been going through her young mind to ask such a question!! Poor thing. She said she had fallen off her bike so, while I cleaned her up, her daddy went out to get it and put it away. By the time I had her hair washed and she was all clean, she had calmed down a bit. I gave her some aspirin and got her out of the tub.

Standing there in the bathroom as I toweled her off, we began to giggle at her appearance. She had a goose-egg on her forehead, scrapes on her nose and a fat lip. We giggled even more when she saw her lopsided smile in the mirror. She was going to be okay.

Today, she was going to go play at a friend's house. Normally, she would ride her bike over, but today she said she was just going to walk. I told her she should just ride her bike over, it was faster. But, she gave me several excuses why she didn't want to ride her bike today, but what it all boiled down to was this: She was afraid.

I saw some of myself in her in that moment. How many times have I let something that scared me keep me from doing things I loved? How often had something that made me uncomfortable or insecure kept me from experiencing something joyful? How many times had I deprived myself of joy because of fear??

I reminded her how excited she was when she first learned to ride her two-wheeler bike. I told her how good she was at it and how proud I was that she could ride like a big-girl. I walked outside with her and pulled out her bike and urged her to get on. She did, albeit a bit reluctantly, but she did. I watched her ride down the driveway and I couldn't help but smile. She was doing it! She wasn't going as fast as she normally does, and she slowed way down when she came to a curb, but she was riding her bike again! And, she was smiling.

I can learn so much from her.

6 Wierd Things About Myself

I have been tagged... Joy for me! Thanks to Lisa for making me think of all the truly wierd attributes I possess....

6 Wierd Things About Myself

1. I can't get to sleep at night unless (and until) I floss my teeth. It hasn't always been this way, but for the past 18 months or so, it is a nightly ritual. If I forget, or am away from home where I don't have my floss with me, I'll toss and turn and dream about flossing. Oh, and it has to be mint waxed floss...
2. I can read, watch TV and listen to the radio at the same time, and not miss anything. I can even sing along with the music as I read, and still not miss what I'm reading. My husband thinks I'm a freak because of it, but I tell him it's just because I'm a woman.
3. I'm a walking phone book. I have a knack for remembering phone numbers, even if I've never actually called that number. Tell me the number, and I'll be able to repeat it back a week later.
4. I have an "expiration date phobia," especially when it comes to dairy products. I CANNOT consume anything that is near its due date. Even if it still smells okay, or has been proven to last longer than the date that is printed on the package, I cannot bring myself to eat/drink it.
5. I won't use public restrooms (another phobia). It will take an absolute emergency to get me inside one, let alone actually use it. There's just something about using the bathroom a few feet away from someone else who is going. Besides, how many other tushies have been on this very toilet today? eeeeewwwwwww. I'll walk in with my kids when they have to go, but I'll wash my hands along with them, just from opening the door. The whole concept of public bathrooms totally grosses me out. I'll wait until I'm home, thankyouverymuch.
6. I put ketchup on practically everything. I used to use it a lot more as a child than I do now, but I still have to have ketchup on the table for almost every meal. Any beef, any egg, any potato, any pork -- all doused in ketchup (or, catsup, if you prefer). The only thing I never put ketchup on is chicken, but anything else is game. When I was a little girl, I would ask for ketchup on my tuna fish sandwiches. I have grown out of that stage, but I like to put ketchup on my Kraft Macaroni-N-Cheese. How wierd is that??

So, those are 6 of my weird idiosyncracies. Thanks for tagging me, Lisa. :o)

Overwhelmed!

This post is going to be whiney, so if you don't feel like hearing someone whine about everything, then just skip this blog altogether.

You've been warned.

I have way too much going on in my life right now and I'm really feeling it -- it's getting to the point where I want to jump in the car and just drive and drive and drive to run away from it all... but then I remember how sickening gas prices are, and I have to face my issues.

First of all, I have a part time job. I work mostly from home doing dictation, general typing, brochures, etc., but 2 or 3 times a month I actually go into the office and catch up on things there. I say part time because it was supposed to be a commitment of only about 10 hours a week... HOWEVER, lately I have been getting calls EVERY day from my employer asking me to do things. What takes him 15 seconds to explain will wind up taking me all day, and sitting here at the computer (while I'm home) does not allow for me to do much else. So, I work. And, my house stays a mess, the laundry piles up, nothing gets made for dinner (so we pick up fast food), the kids run amok, I lose ME time. I'd tell my boss to take this job and put it somewhere else, but the extra money really comes in handy around here.

Second of all, my husband just started his own business in January of this year. He works construction and has very limited computer skills. The administration part of the business is left up to me. He picked up a copy of Quick Books and I about died when I saw how thick the manual was for it! I installed the software and ran a few tutorials and realized that it's going to take some serious studying to get familiar with the program. It will require my butt to be sitting in this chair, in front of this computer, for longer hours, in addition to the hours I already put in for my other boss. At least with my other boss I get paid. I'm too tired at the end of the day to receive any fringe benefits from my husband/boss.

Next on my whine list is my calling at church. I'm the Enrichment Leader, and have been for over 3 years. I'm burned out. And, I'm confused as to how to run the program with the new guidelines that went into effect earlier this year. It's supposed to be easier on leaders with only having 4 activities a year -- but with those activities, the mini-classes, and "extra" mid-week activities, I'm busier than ever. The RS counselor over Enrichment has been out of town a lot this year, leaving me on my own to plan and coordinate these activities and I'm frustrated. I have a Board, but they wait for me to tell them what to do before doing anything. I don't like having the entire responsibility. It's taking it's toll on me. I'd ask to be released, but I fear they'll stick me back in Primary or in Young Women, which I think would be worse than the headache I have now.

(didn't I warn you this was going to be a whine fest?)

Next, the pageant is just over 3 weeks away. The butterflies I had in the beginning are now jitters and I'm very nervous. I still need to tie up loose ends, get a few last-minute things and focus on my health and fitness program (which isn't going so well since we eat out so much lately). I'm second-guessing myself at every turn and worry that I've gotten in over my head. I have these nightmares where I come in last place and my family and friends are disappointed in me and want their sponsor money back. Maybe I shouldn't have entered the competition after all.....

I'm a bit concerned for my health as well. I haven't been to a doctor since my 6-week check up after my last baby (who will be turning 6 this Summer). When you live without insurance, you live without proper healthcare. I have been spotting for 4 weeks now, which is probably not normal. I could make an appointment with my doctor, but with my luck, the bill would come to a couple hundred dollars and he would tell me there's nothing wrong, and I should just buy more panty liners. On the other hand, if there is something wrong, and I don't take care of myself, the consequences could be much worse.

Did I mention my house is a wreck?

I guess I've sat and whined here long enough... I need to go and work on my boss' website. I've never created a website from scratch before and the process is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be -- especially when I work for such a picky man.

If you've made it to the end of this whine-fest, then pat yourself on the back. You survived.

Will I?

Bakin'

I started tanning yesterday. It has been a long time since I have gone, and the first time was just under 3 years ago. I'd never seen the reason for it, since I tan so easily during the summer months playing in the backyard with my kids and gardening. However, I will say that I loved the results just a few short sessions in a tanning bed gave my skin (not to mention, no tan lines).

So, in preparation for the pageant, I decided a few sessions a week for a month should give me the nice golden color to accent the pale blue gown I will be wearing. Not to mention, tan skin hides cellulite better than white skin.

I forgot how relaxing tanning is. I loved laying in the warm bed and feeling the fake sun rays warm me all the way through. I just relaxed and listended to the radio for the 10 minutes I was there. I think I'll go back again today, before we get in the full swing of Easter preparations. I could use the few minutes of relaxation to regroup and re-energize.

Oh, and before you hit the "Comment" button... I know the cancer risks, so please don't stone me for my choices.

Happy Easter!!

Happy HNT

I don't know this guy, and quite frankly, I'm rather glad not to. What was he thinking??

Ultimatum

It is a gorgeous Spring day today, and where are my youngest two children? In their room, throwing fits.

Why would they be in their room on such a beautiful, warm day?

Because they were given an ultimatum, and that was their choice.

I am so tired of going into their room and stepping on toys, or doing their laundry and only having a single sock to give them because all the rest of their dirty clothes are piled in the closet or under the bed or (heaven forbid) back in their drawers. I've had enough. I told them their room has to be cleaned up before they would see the light of day again (and now that they are off for Spring Break, that's gonna be rough!).

And, then I gave them a choice:

"Go ahead and play outside, girls... and while you're out, I'll clean your room for you."

That may sound like a sweet deal, except for the fact that I clean with a Hefty bag.

They opted to do the room themselves. And, there they sit.

Lucky them.

Can't Please the Difficult

I am so incredibly frustrated! I'm jonesin' for a Coke and a day off, let me tell you!

I work from home -- technically as a freelance do-it-all. I type, I do dictation, I format data bases, prepare presentations and I dabble in graphic design. Just recently I've started getting into web design (necessity is the mother of invention, right?). The company I work for figures they can pay a novice a LOT less than a professional...

Well, I poured my heart into their website. I had to struggle through the program since I don't know it well, but I thought I was coming along just fine. I was actually rather proud of the work I had accomplished.

I emailed the link to the site to the Executive Director and awaited my well-deserved pat on the back.

What did I get?

"It's really not what I'm looking for. I don't care much for the layout."

Crush. Stomp. Ouch.

So, I tore it down and started over.

Why is it that you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time?? Grrrr.

Oh Joy

I have the distinct pleasure of going to the dentist this morning. Can you feel my enthusiasm?

Why is it that the mere mention of dentist makes most normal human blood run cold? Is it the fact that some stranger is sticking their fingers in your mouth? Is it the sound of the drills (wwwwwrrrrrrreeeeeeeeoooooooooooo)? Is it having someone right up close and personal with the bright florescent light enhancing every flaw you have in your skin? What about those shots? Gotta love those, right??

I can think of a billion things I'd rather be doing this morning than sitting in the dentist's chair. Blech.

Be Your Bold Self

BE YOUR BOLD SELF

That is my mantra these days. Within every person there are "multiple" personalities. That's not to say that we are all Sybils waiting to be taken to a mental institution. It simply means that we are constantly having an inner dialogue with ourselves in every little thing we do.

I'm usually a more reserved person. Not necessarily shy, just someone who's content to sit back and watch things unfold before her. Often, when I am in an uncomfortable situation, this is the dialogue that goes on in my brain:

They are going to laugh at you if you say anything.
No, they won't, they'll love me.
I bet your face is going to turn red.
Be quiet or you'll jinx it!
Why don't you just don't and say you did.
If you just get it over with, you'll be happier!
You're not pretty enough to go in there.
You're just as pretty as they are. Go in!
Remember what a nerd you are.
You're not the nerd you used to be.

Etc.

Getting ready to compete in the pageant has given me many opportunities to step out of my comfort zone (not something I enjoy doing on a regular basis) and I've had to stuff my insecure, whiney self into the corner each time. My bold self is the one who has confidence (or at least, fakes it really well) and has the ability to talk to anyone. My bold self is a Size 4 (I wish the rest of me was!), and she doesn't care what people think of her. My bold self knows she can accomplish anything and won't let anyone stand in her way.

I love my bold self, but unfortunately, my insecure self usually wins over and that's who I am most of the time. I'm hoping that through this pageant experience, and all the practice I've been getting of changing my comfort zone, will give my bold self a better foot hold in my psyche.

Be Your Bold Self!

My feet hurt, my wallet doesn't

Why is it that when I'm shopping for a specific item of clothing, I never find it?? And, why is it that when I'm merely window shopping, and have no money, I'm constantly finding things I wish I could buy? Somebody needs to get a hold of Murphy and tell him to add this to his stupid Laws.

All I wanted was a red blouse, with a nice levi jacket to wear over the top. You think I could find anything? Everyone has put out their spring collection, which consists of pastels and short sleeves. Nothing red! And, every denim jacket I found was the distressed, yellowing material that all the teens are into these days. Ick. Why can't they wear nice, clean-looking clothes?

Sigh.

And, don't even get me started on shoe shopping. I wanted a nice pair of classic black pumps with a 3" heel (sexy, eh?). But, again, all the spring stuff is out and there were sandals galore, and lots of strappy little things, but not my style.

Double sigh.

So, four stores later, I come home with one tiny parcel. My feet are killing me! I didn't get the clothes I wanted, but I did find a great purse. I've needed a new purse for ages, but never found the "right" one. But, at least my trip wasn't totally worthless. I got a new purse! Of course -- because I wasn't shopping for one, right??

At the Grooners

My five year old daughter returned home early from playing at a friend's house. I asked her why she didn't stay longer. She replied, "Because they had to pick up their dog from the grooners." Okaaaaaaaayyyy.

She went on to explain to me that a grooners is the place you take your dog, or your cat, or any pet to get brushed. But, not fish, because fish have scales on their body and that would hurt if you brushed them.

I'm amazed at the things that go through her mind sometimes!!

The Walls Have Ears

Have you ever been in a situation where you are "discussing" with a friend another person, only to turn around and see that other person nearby -- possibly within earshot?

That happened to me on Sunday. I was sitting in Relief Society next to one of my neighbors and we were discussing visiting teaching. I had recently discovered that this neighbor had become my new visiting teacher, but she hasn't had a chance to visit yet. Her companion has been my visiting teacher for over a year and rarely visits. My neighbor, "T" and I got to talking about "R" and the conversation turned to "R's daughter," who is 11. "R" is very successful in her career and her husband also has a great job so they are not want for much -- they are always traveling to this place and that place, wearing designer clothes, remodeling their home, etc. As a result, "R's daughter" tends to be a bit snobby. That's what "T" and I were discussing, and the fact that "R's daughter" has her own cell phone. I didn't think we were very loud, but when I turned around to check the clock I saw "R" sitting in the back, about 4 rows behind us.

Suddenly, it seemed that "T" and I had been shouting our conversation because I got that sinking feeling and I felt 2 inches tall. I like "R." She is a neat lady -- she's just not very consistent in her promises to visit me, and I don't agree with her avenues of parenting. I feel bad for talking about her like that.

"T" does not like "R" and is not happy to be companions with her. I like them both, but maybe not as a companionship. The dilemma now is whether I do anything to apologize to "R." It's possible that she heard us. There is also the possibility that she didn't.

I should learn my lesson and remember the counsel of my parents: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Sigh.

My Personality

I took a personality test online today. The questions were odd, a bit repetitive, and kinda got me to thinking about how I view myself. When I got to the end and hit the "results" button, I didn't expect to be looking into a mirror.

Surprisingly, the results were pretty accurate to how I am.

Go figure.





My Personal Dna Report

Kick the Salesman, not the tires

It's been a while since I wrote last. No excuses. Just call me Slacker Queen, or simply, Your Highness, if you wish.

It was a crazy weekend. My husband finally went out and got himself a new truck. He's been talking about it for months and months, and I guess Mercury and Venus were aligned just right because we now have a new vehicle in the garage and a new car payment to prove it.

We really only went to the dealership to look, shop around, make comparisons. Unfortunately, we underestimated the salesmen. You know how when you first walk in, they are bending over backwards to make sure you get what you are looking for? They show you everything on the lot, spout out specs like they are telling you their names, and go on and on about how great the vehicle is. But, once you start talking numbers, Mr. Hyde pops out and all the niceties go right out the proverbial window.

We were at the Toyota dealer and my husband just wanted a baseline price -- but the salesman wouldn't talk numbers with him unless he first signed a paper saying he was serious about buying. They really use high-pressure tactics to get you to buy. The tension was so thick that I just wanted to get up and leave. My husband is very opinionated and speaks first, thinks later -- the interchange got rather heated. I was able to interject a few times to help smooth things over, becuase that's my job as Superwoman, right? Oh, wait, my cape is at the drycleaners... I'm Slacker Queen now!

We finaly convinced the salesmen (the original guy went and got his manager) to let us drive the truck home to see how it fit in our garage. It was good to get away from the sitatuion so we could think without them breathing down our necks.

We weren't out of the woods yet though... we get back to the dealership (this time with 2/3 of our children) and start talking numbers again. I swear the price changed every time we blinked, and not always in our favor. Good thing my husband was keeping a close eye on the numbers and wouldn't stand for any switcheroos...

To make a long story short, my husband got the truck of his dreams. I was lucky enough to be able to drive it, and it makes me hungry for a new car too... my car is 11 years old and showing its age! Unfortunately, one new car in this family is more than enough.

At least I can bask in the new car smell... that's almost as good, right??

Can You Hear Me Now?

And, thanks to Verizon, I CAN!!!

I spoke with my very best friend today for the first time ever. That sounds odd, I know, but it's just the way it is. I only met her a year or so ago online but we hit it right off and have been pals ever since.

So, after months and months of emails and IM chats, we spoke on the phone. It's still as though I've known her my entire life. It's only a matter of time now before we meet IRL.

Technology is awesome and thank heavens for unlimited cell to cell minutes!! Woohoo!

I'm Gonna Do It!

Turning the Big Three-Oh has caused me to do a lot of reflection on my life. It was difficult for me to enter into this new decade -- I feel as though I should have accomplished more in my life, have more experiences, seen more places...

For several months I have vacillated on the decision whether to compete for my State's title in the Mrs. United States Pageant. One day I would be feeling really confident and sure that it was the right thing for me, and the next day I would feel inadequate and like I would be making a fool of myself to even try.

But, today I convinced myself to go to the first orientation. I walked in the room, filled with intelligent, beautiful women, and almost turned around and walked back out. I forced myself to stay and sat at a table with very talkative, likeable women. By the time the orientation was over, I was feeling good about my decision to compete.

There are many obstacles in my way, and several hurdles I'll have to get by before the "big day," but I really think that I will come out of this a better person. I hope to gain more confidence in myself and my abilities, and be able to carry myself like the Daughter of a King that I am -- win or lose.

The Director of the Pageant told me, "You felt compelled to seek out this opportunity for a reason -- don't let it pass you by." I think she's right. It's time to step out of my comfort zone and get myself out there!

This is the life experience and accomplishment I've been lacking and it feels good to be a part of it all!

Here We Go Again!

This morning my youngest was difficult to rouse from bed. She has been nursing a cough for the past week and it must have finally caught up to her.

She was super whiney and difficult so I asked her if she was feeling sick. With her best puppy-dog face she nods yes, so I sent her off to bed again. The morning was spent in jammies watching television and playing her sister's Game Boy.

At lunchtime she comes to me and says, "Mommy, I'm not sick, I just didn't want to do something at school that would be really hard, but I don't remember what it was going to be..."

The kid is in Kindergarten. Give me a break! They aren't supposed to learn this stuff until they are at least in 3rd grade, right?

And, so it begins again.....

What's the deal??

Part of my New Year's resolution is to eat better -- so, in my quest to fulfill, I've made a better commitment at eating breakfast. I bought several Yoplait yogurts this week since they were on sale (who said you had to pay more to slim down??) and one of them was the "new" Yoplait Whips. I wanted to see if eating a chocolate yogurt was really "getting a massage GOOD."

Boy was I disappointed!

It was 4 oz. of whipped nothingness. Chocolate-flavored air. Not sure this counts as "part of a complete balanced breakfast" -- where's the rest of it?

What's next? Yogurt mist from a Binaca tube?

First Impressions...

First impressions are very important right??

I'm having about 15 women over tonight for Book Club. They will arrive at 7:00 and spend the majority of the time in my living room, discussing the book, with refreshments in the kitchen afterwards. Generally, I keep my house tidy -- lived in, but tidy. Today, however, I'm feeling the need to CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN! I've had to fight the urge to clean out and reorganize my kitchen cupboards -- I mean, really! Who's going to be opening my cupboards while they are here?? (although, someone might need a cup or something....)

I need to make sure all my windows are streak-free and gleaming (even though all the blinds will be closed since it will be dark outside). I'll have to be sure that my kids' rooms are spotless too (you just never know if the Group might want to whip out the Barbies for a while, or have a rousing game of Memory). What if someone needs a towel and opens my linen closet only to find it disorganized?? Better clean that too!

I have to draw the line at cleaning out from under my bed... NOBODY is going to be looking under there... (although, what if someone follows my cat under there and discovers all my dust bunnies??).

I am definitely sweeping and mopping my floors, wiping down all my counters and cabinets, dusting my living room and running a vacuum over the carpet, and scouring out the guest bathroom. That should make the house look presentable enough for company, don't you think?

Am I the only one who obsesses over the state of one's home when someone is coming over?

Maybe I should hire a maid!!